Yours, Alexis Harding (MAJOR EDITS WILL BEGIN SHORTLY)

Chapter Eight

   

   Dear Hayden,

   

   I'm on a plane headed for Hawaii. I made the impulsive decision to get a ticket and go after seeing a photo of a beautiful beach. I've been traveling for over a year, I've met enough people to crash on a few couches while I explore the state. Technically, It's gonna be my first time back in the US since I left. Sure, I'm not on the mainland yet, but it's America nonetheless.

   I've been flying for five hours, and I still have about five more. I was thinking a lot about what I said at the end of my last letter, so it felt like time to write another one. I think it's about time I addressed the night all of our problems had started.

   It was already May somehow, time was flying by like it had somewhere to go, and it was almost time for me to go with it.

   As a kid, I envied my dad's ability to travel the whole country for his job, and always wondered why mom and I couldn't go with. Obviously, now it makes sense that they wanted stability for me, but it was always at the back of my mind. For my 10th birthday, my dad gave me a check for $100 but told me I couldn't cash it in until I graduated high school. I thought it was the cruelest thing in the world until I read the card he'd given me with it. The concept was extremely simplified to make it a whole lot easier for me to understand (but if I'm being honest, I still had no idea what was going on. Mom had to explain it to me later that night).

   

   My little girl,

   You're already 10 years old! What an honor it is! Now that you're old enough to understand the importance of money, I've decided to give you a little challenge. Every birthday from now until you turn 18, I will give you $100. For each of your graduations, you get a little bit more money too. Over the years, I will invest this money in your name, and it will double in the bank. By the time you finish school, you will have $5000 to travel with as you please. Happy birthday! Always keep smiling!

   Love,

   Dad.

   

   Back then, $5,000 seemed like the whole world was at my reach, and I couldn't wait till I was older and could get in my own car and explore America. But by the time I turned 15, America turned into Europe, which slowly turned into the whole world. The travel bug had gotten me and there was no way to quench its thirst except by getting out there. So I got two jobs and saved every penny I earned, every $20 bill my grandparents would give me when they visited, and by making bets I knew I would win.

   Then came my senior year of High School, the time when everyone else in my class was working towards college applications and deciding on majors. I, on the other hand, was eager to break free of the holds schooling had on me. I had a hunger for exploration that could no longer be kept at bay, I remember sitting my parents down and telling them I didn't want to go to college right away. Mom was horrified, college was all she ever wanted for me. Dad, on the other hand, was over the moon. All he ever wanted for me was the world.

   Somehow, the $5,000 had turned into $10,000. The keys to a car had turned into a flight into Stockholm. What back then was supposed to last until September, somehow lasted a whole year longer. All it took was the drive to keep exploring, the ability to get a few random jobs, and enough money to get a cheap train or flight somewhere new.

   I remember explaining my initial plan to you, "Sweden, Denmark, Germany, France, and Italy for now since those are the places I know people I can crash with, but who knows where else I could end up."

   You were excited for me, I seriously thought I had your blessing. It was weeks later when I was showing you old photos of a couple of the people I was staying with from camps or family vacations I'd taken over the years that I noticed a shift in the mood.

   "Hayden?" I sat up, taking a better look at you, "Are you okay?"

   You looked up at me and smiled weakly. You adjusted your seating position and gave me a kiss, momentarily making me forget what was happening, then you pulled away and that same sad look in your eyes persisted.

   "Let's get out of here, you and me."

   I thought you meant on a drive, to the park, something that made sense. I turned to look at you, a little confused, and you were looking straight at me, an urgency in your expression that I've never seen before.

   "What?"

   You got up abruptly, knocking my box of photos off my bed with you, you looked around until you found the big plastic purple ring you won for me from that claw machine when we drove down to Malibu after Christmas.

   "Let's go, you and me, get in a car and drive until we hit Vegas." You were on your knees by my bed, holding my hands at that point, talking manically, "Just say yes, baby, let's go, let's get married."

   "Hayden, I'm leaving for Europe next week, I can't just..." I began, but you cut me off.

  "Cancel your trip. I'll take the next semester off, you and I can just go, we'll go to Vegas, make it official, then we can drive around the country, go down to Mexico or up to Canada if you want, we'll just drive, we..."

   Then it was my turn to cut you off. I didn't say anything, I just leaned in and kissed you. I pulled back and spent a quiet minute just looking at you, waiting to see the smallest sign of anything but seriousness, but I didn't. You were earnest, intent in a way I couldn't describe.

   I almost said yes, I really did.

   I kissed you again, then took a deep breath. "No."

   "Alexis..." you started, but I didn't let you go on. I stood up, turning away from you. I was repeating myself over and over and over again.

   "No, Hayden, I..." I began shaking, "no. I can't do that. I'm too young, I'm about to go explore what life has to offer me, you can't ask this of me now. No." You were quiet after that. I turned to look at you, but you got up silently, grabbed your keys, and left.

   I remember laying on my bed that night, crying for God knows how long, trying not to let my mom hear. She did, but she never asked a single question, she just held me. I thought that was it for us, but I wasn't quite ready to let you go. We had a week together. I had a week to be around you, then we were going to try long distance for the summer, but that was it. Gone, just like that.

   I woke up at three in the morning a few days later, not having talked to you whatsoever, and got on Facebook for the first time since you left my house. I was afraid to look and see you'd changed your relationship status, I was terrified to see if you'd removed our picture together off of your profile, I felt like a child worrying about those things, but they were the only clear marker for what we were now.

   To my surprise, you hadn't changed anything. That was when I noticed you were one of five people online right then, the only one on this side of the world. You had just posted something five minutes before, a song.

   I clicked play, something deep inside me telling me this was meant for me. Little Do You Know by Alex and Sierra started playing and the tears immediately began soaking my cheeks, my shirt, my pillows. I liked the post, I made the first move. The song kept replaying, I kept laying there, and the loop kept going for God knows how long. The only thing that got me out of my trance was the text notification I had assigned specifically for you.

   "Hey..."

   I should remember never to write these in public places, the old woman sitting next to me is extremely worried about the amount of tears I've cried writing this letter.

   

   I'll write to you soon,

   Alexis.