Bullied By The Marauders

Chap 7

I stared at my face in the mirror. I was unable to sleep.

I kept on starting at the ugly face I had.

I hate it.

I hate myself.

Why?

Why did Potter betray my trust?

He gave away a friendship... For nothing.

I still hold a grudge against him.

I always will.

I always have.

But, I was not able hate him.

I picked up my wand, and pointed it at my thigh.

“Diffindo.”

Cut.

“Diffindo.”

More cuts.

“DiffINDO!”

More cuts.

“DIFFINDO! DIFFINDO! DIFFINDO!”

The most cuts I've ever had in six years of bullying.

I pointed my wand at my wrist.

“Diffindo. Diffindo. Diffindo. Diffindo.”

Cuts, cuts, cuts and cuts.

“Diffindo.”

This time, I moved it in a pattern.

Bitch. Slut. Ugly.

Those were the words on my arms and thighs.

I pressed hard on my wrist.

It turned purple.

I stopped pressing.

Wouldn’t want to go to the Hospital Wing...

I threw myself onto the walls of the ROR. I pounded the walls, crying, screaming.

“WHY?” I screamed. “WHY MUST I BE THE UGLIEST THING TO EVER EXIST? I shouldn’t even exist... I never should’ve. My parents made a mistake... I should just kill myself.” I whispered the last three sentences.

I accioed a rope.

I will for a hook to protrude from the ceiling.

I tied one end of the rope in a circular shape on the hook.

I will for a stool to appear in front of me.

I climbed on top of the stool, and placed my neck in the hole between the circle.

I hung myself from it.

Nothing happened.

Nothing at all...

I just couldn’t breathe as easily.

Fuck it.

Life doesn’t want me.

Death doesn’t want me.

What life am I leading.

I climbed down.

“FUCK IT!” I shouted. “I CANNKT DO ANYTHING IN LIFE. DEATH DOES NOT WANT ME. LIFE DOES NOT WANT ME. WHAT LIFE AM I LEADING? I AM DONE. I GIVE UP... someone please, come and kill me...”

I wanted to get killed so bad.

So bad.

I wanted to commit suicide so badly.

But that did not work....

Nothing goes right for me.

Never.

“Aguamenti.”

Wouldn’t want anyone to get suspicious.

I looked around the ROR.

Wow. Blood.

Blood which reached ‘til my big toe.

It filled up my toe nails.

I hated how weak I was.

I was such a weakling.

Not deserving to live...

Not deserving to die...

Nothing.

I deserve nothing.

I could still hear gasps and whispering everywhere I turned.

I crawled back to bed, and fell asleep.

I’m not a human.

I’m a monster.