lover is a day

self portrait on the m20

mom tells me i shouldn't have let them crawl behind my eyes
it's too late now
they're sweet on me
and i forgot how to twist my father's ears behind his head so i imagine it's time to give up
no more declarations of poor treatment
i am my own pain
(we share the same limbs)

when i was young i used to dance on hot coals
now i lock myself in steel boxes and let the june heat melt away any detection of life in my skin
pulsating and shimmering
what a waste

mom tells me i was pretty once
skinny
(with ripped tendon casing)
long hair
(rope bound around neck)
says i used to be smooth
i dazzled like milk bone
entrancing passerby with tales of my sunshine
now i know only woe

i am spoiled from the inside