The Arranged Boyfriend Project

Day 10 || Confession: I Did a Touchy

Ash: Right, okay. [Makes himself comfortable] ... Apologies for the slightly wonky angle, but my old faithful is balanced on only two legs right now.

... Is a bipod even a thing? If it is, I'm Dragon's Den-style 'Out'.

Anyway, it's day seven in this ... insane social experiment and I'm surprised I didn't get word of this sooner, but apparently some people on the 'Tube are using the ship name "Mash".

Like ... I don't know how Matti's gonna feel about yet another food reference ...

[Slams palms down on desk] But I f***ing love mash.

Honestly? That's the best ship name I think I've ever heard. There's ... There are genuinely little red hearts in my eyes right now. Like that emoji my mum always uses when she stalks my selfies on Instagram. God, she's so shameless. But I love you guys for that, for real. Keep using it. Always.

I'm not sure if Matti's done his confession yet, since these are meant to be secret, but he's a massive dork with schedules and notebooks and stuff, so I'm guessing he's probably already written his thing down on Wattpad.

[Flattens out scoring sheet] Right. This bloody thing. [Chews pen and reads] Okay, it's shorter than I first thought it would be. That's not too bad.

When Matti told me about a scoring sheet I was legitimately like ... [Slumps] Aaargh! I can't stand stuff like that. Like when KFC asks you for that "How Well Did We Do?" survey? And I really don't give a flying crap; I just want my free Zinger Tower.

Except I'd probably rather do that, because Matti ain't offering me any free burgers for this. Maybe another one of those weird stubble kisses? I'm still not over the first one, to be honest. Scarred for life.

So, first question, "How comfortable are you being intimate with Matti?" Score 1 to 10.

[Chortles] What the hell? We haven't even been intimate yet. Does that mean like, cuddling? Or is that kissing ... or?

[Laughing] Seriously, what counts as intimate? I think I'm gonna have to just blag this one.

[Poises pen] I guess ... I did give him a cuddle yesterday. For about two minutes. It was actually kinda nice, because I'd had a bit of a cruddy day.

Nothing major, but since these videos are gathering a bit more steam on YouTube it's like an all-you-can-eat buffet to some new vein of trolling I'm totally not used to. Like ... I've been called a ... well, I hate this word, but for the purpose of telling you, I'll say it. I've been called a fag before by trolls. And you would literally not believe how much that makes me want to play up to it.

[Sighs] Trolls normally just make me laugh because nothing I ever do on the internet is totally serious, and that's how they take it, but this is something different. It's for real. So ... I dunno, the comments me and my best fr -- boyfriend are getting lately are kinda ... [Blows raspberry] [Thumbs down] Kinda sh**ty.

They don't make me feel good. And to be honest, I got kinda pissy about a couple of people saying mean stuff about him in particular.

[Swoops in close to camera] There is nothing wrong with his square jawline. You dudes out there are probably jealous because he could probably open a can of beans with that manly thing.

Try not to get your three chin hairs in a twist over it, yeah?

[Backs up] Burn.