She's My Winona (Patrick Stump Fanfiction)

Alone Together

Let's be alone together,
We could stay young forever.
Scream it from the top of your lungs, lungs, lungs. Say yeah!
(Yeah!)
Let's be alone together,
We could stay young forever.
We'll stay young, young, young, young, young...

~

I didn't go to Pizza Night with Patrick. Instead I'm in my Batman pyjamas, listening to the birthday mixtape Izzy made me last year. Alone. I guess it's my own fault.

~

I declined the offer in the last lesson of the day, French. I zoned out while Madame Lambert was droning on about French verbs or something. But then I felt my top pocket vibrate, so I put a textbook craftily in front of me as disguise and pulled out my phone to read:

(1) NEW MESSAGE - PATTYCAKES

Hey, beautiful. You said you'd text me, but I had to text you! I sure am good to you ;) Pizza Night still on?X

How could he still call me beautiful? He should be calling her that. She's his now.

I looked up from my textbook, scanning the room for him until I saw him at the back of the room. I shook my head—no, I would not engage in pizza eating with Pat, surely his girlfriend could do that. After seeing the whole awkward kissing thing, I felt even more bitterly envious. I felt then like I couldn't spend time alone with him like we always do. There's no doubt about it, it will be weird from now on.

Patrick looked under the desk for a minute or two, and when he resurfaced I felt another vibration from my cell:

(1) NEW MESSAGE: PATTYCAKES

Homework thing still? Aw, Nona. That sucks. I'll bring you back some cheese + pineapple pizza ok? Ily X

I know I was acting incredibly childishly, but I still glared at the "ily". No you don't. I love you. Not the other way round, remember?

COMPOSE NEW MESSAGE: PATTYCAKES

Whatever. If you want. Ly2.

There. That text oozes sophistication and confidence, I had thought smugly. For one, I resisted the allure of my favourite pizza flavour. And I didn't text back an X, to show how little I cared about his stupid one day relationship with stupid Anna Smith. Because I totally don't care *cough*. I don't need Patrick's text kisses, thank you very much. I mean yeah, I still said "I love you too," but he doesn't know that I meant it seriously and not platonically. So yeah. It was still damn cool of me, if I do say so myself.

~

Only now, as I listen to some indie band play some nice song that I don't know, but I kind of want to know, I'm having an epiphany. I won't go into more analytical bullshit, but let's just say I'm pissed at him for being happy, and I'm starting to think that isn't right.

I'm in love with him. So yes, I want to be with Pat, of course I do. I have for so long, as you know. But I would rather he be happy with someone else than unhappy on his own or, worse, unhappy if he were with me. Anything, as long as is it makes Patrick smile. He, like Pete, deserves all the happiness in the world.

So why am I acting like this? Okay, so I don't like Anna much. But I think I'd probably be acting like this if it were someone else too. God, I need to get my act together and grow the fuck up. Maybe I should be a little more mature.

And, like Patrick said; they're not officially a couple. That kiss was one that she prompted, not him. I need to stop freaking out and remain hopeful. There's still a chance for he and I. An unlikely one, but still, y'know, a chance.