Buried Emotions

Chapter Five

Gray

I run home crying. I'm completely embarrassed and feel betrayed by my own guild mates. How could Erza do this to me? I don't understand! I slam my front door closed and lock it before making my way around my house, shutting my windows and drawing the curtains, making the entire house pitch black. I throw myself onto my bed and snuggle with a pillow as I cry into it. I hear a soft knock come from my front door. "Go away," I sniffle. The door handle jiggles. "I said, go away!" I shout, raising my head up. I hear a loud bang as someone kicks in my front door. I'm seriously not in the mood for this! I sit up just as Natsu comes walking into my bedroom. "I definitely don't need you here!"

Natsu rolls his eyes and kicks off his shoes, climbing into my bed next to me. "Shut up," he says as he scoots closer. I lay back down, puzzled by Natsu's behavior. Crap! I totally forgot this is about Natsu too! Stupid me acting selfish! He probably feels just as bad as I do and I'm the only one who understands what he's going through. I sigh and run my hand through the side of his hair in a comforting way. Natsu's eyes begin to drop and he slides closer to me, his face resting on my chest. This is weird. Does he not remember how we got into this mess in the first places? Does it really matter now? I shrug my shoulders and move Natsu's head away from me so that I can remove my shirt. After I take it off, Natsu drowsily places his head back on my chest. The skin on skin contact feels great. Natsu must think so as well since he passed out. I stop playing with his hair and wrap my arms around him, pulling him closer to me. Why am I doing this? This is weird. I should let go. But I don't. I feel oddly comforted by holding him. Maybe it's because I don't feel lonely. Like I have someone here who understands? I lean my face into Natsu's hair and silently cry myself to sleep as I hold him.

I feel warm. I open my eyes and it takes me a moment to realize what the pink fuzz ball that I'm staring at is. I smile and give Natsu a light squeeze. "What time is it?" He asks groggily.

"I don't know. I just woke up too," I say, letting out a yawn. Natsu starts slowly drawing on my chest with his finger. It tickles a bit. I still feel funny being this close to Natsu and holding him. I don't know what's going on any more. "Natsu?" He stops drawing and looks up at me. "What are we doing?"

"I don't know. Being supportive? Good friends?"

I let out a sigh. "We've always been friends, but never... Never like this," I say, waving my hand in the air.

"Things changed," he says as he goes back to drawing on my chest.

"Yeah..." I take a deep breath and sit up, stretching my arms out. Natsu rolls over and stares at the ceiling, pulling the covers up to his chin. "I'm going to go for a walk," I say as I reach for my shirt and put it on.

"Can I join you?" He asks, turning to look at me.

"If I said no, you would still follow," I laugh.

Natsu giggled and rolled out of the bed and onto the floor, searching for his shoes. "You're right." I open the door and let Natsu walk out first, locking the door behind us. "So where do you go on your walk?" Natsu asks.

"Anywhere. There's no set destination or route. It's more fun that way," I say as we start walking down the street. It's kind of dark out but people are everywhere. We walk for a while until we find a spot by the canal and decide to sit down there. Other people are also sitting on the edge of the canal, watching as boats with candles follow the current. It feels so peaceful, I forget about everything. All that matters to me in this moment are the boats drifting down the stream, and the beautiful-starry sky. I look around and notice that nearly everyone here is a couple. I take a look at Natsu, his face glowing from the candle light and his eyes sparkling. My heart does a leap and I hate it. Why does this freak make me feel like this? I just want everything to go back to the way it was before... "Come on. Let's go," I say, standing up and brushing off the back side of my pants. Natsu gives me a kind of sad look but eventually stands up as well.

"Going back home already?" He asks as we start to walk.

"Yeah," I say a bit upset, not really wanting to talk. Natsu doesn't get the hint and moves closer to me and snakes his arm around mine, placing his hand inside mine. "Get off me!" I snap, yanking my arm from him and shoving him back, accidentally making him fall to the ground. I turn and run, just wanting to be away from him. I hear him shout something but I'm too angry to understand it. I don't understand what's going on any more!

Natsu

"DON'T LEAVE ME!" I shout desperately at Gray as he quickly fades away. I cover my mouth, trying to muffle the sound of myself crying. I don't know why I did that. That was so stupid! I'm so stupid! He hates me! I hate me! What's going on? I stand up, using a building for support. I look around and notice several couples staring my way, pity in their eyes. Tears fill my vision and I begin my walk home. A slow cold walk, alone. It seems like it takes forever before I finally reach my place. I don't even bother getting undressed. I collapse onto my bed and stare at the ceiling, willing myself to sleep, but I can't. I can't help but think of Gray and what I did. What I keep doing. I'm hurting him and I don't even know why? I don't have feelings for him? But I don't want him to hurt any more because of me. I'll just never leave my place. I'll stay in here forever. Then that's settled. And with that last thought, I drift off into an uneasy sleep.

Happy comes home sometime later that night but I'm not in the mood to be around anyone, so he sleeps on the couch in the living room. When I wake up the next morning, he's already gone. I find a baked fish on the counter with a note nearby. "Keep your head up Natsu, or you'll miss everything great that life has to offer! I know it's tough right now, but just know that you have friends that are here for you!" -Happy. I hold the note in my hands, smiling at it. At least he tries, I laugh to myself. I take the note to my room and place it in a hidden tote, full of other precious mementos and letters. I go to close the box, but a picture catches my eye. I place the lid on the ground and reach in, pulling the photo out. It's a photo of Erza, Lucy, Gajeel, Wendy, Gray, Happy and myself linking arms in that order, except Happy is on my head. I stare at the picture, focusing on Gray and how happy he is. He doesn't have a care in the world and doesn't mind to be near me. Maybe we've always been great friends but just had not noticed it before? I place the photo back into the box and spot something else. I pull out a stuffed Gray doll. I remember buying this! It was the first week we moved into the new Guild and they started selling souvenirs of everyone in the Guild. I bought the Gray and Natsu doll so I could make Gray's tell me how awesome and powerful I am. I chuckle and give the doll a hug, rubbing its face against mine. I place the doll on the floor and pick up the lid, placing it back on the tote and putting it back in its hidden spot. I pick up the doll and head back to bed, snuggling with it until I pass out.