rejection ➸ fillie

kiss and tell

"do you want to try?" she asked.

my knees became weak. i swear i could've fell, i can't really describe how i felt when she asked me. a mix of fear and excitement. fear mainly because i have never kissed anyone ever, what if i wasn't good at it? excitement because..well.

whisper in my ear, baby

"t-try?" i stammered, "like..kiss you?"

millie looked down, and chuckled, i think? "we don't have to. it was just a thought, like practice for the future, y'know?" she explained.

words i want to hear

"we don't have to–" i cut her off, "no!" i say abruptly, "no i mean, yes. like, practice..for the future." i repeat.

"okay," she adjusts her hands around my neck. "do i keep my hands on your waist? i don't want to make you uncomfortable." i say. "yes, keep them there." she says.

tell me,

"i'm gonna lean in, okay?" was this actually happening? i've wanted this for years. this doesn't feel real, is it? noah said she wanted to hide her feelings, so why is she doing this?

tell me that you love me too.

i wasn't ready. i can't just tell her no, i mean i don't want to tell her no. i don't want her to stop leaning in. i was terrified, i just kept thinking the worst.

oh look, her nose is almost touching mine. why does she go so slow? can i just crash my lips into hers? no i don't think that's how you're supposed to kiss. actually yeah i can, i've seen that in movies before. nah but i wont.

(tell me that you love me too)

man, she's so pretty. i could feel her breath on the lower half of my face, her breath smelt nice. i tried not to breathe because, what if mine didn't smell nice?

put your head on my shoulder

alright..here we go. do this correctly.

that's when it happened. her lips were so smooth. when her lips touched mine, my whole body got weak, i mean of course, the only girl i have ever liked was here, kissing me. she tilts her head, which causes her lips to move against mine.

whisper in my ear, baby

what do i do? do we just stay still like this the whole time? maybe i–

but just then millie pulled away.

-

"finn!" noah said, "keep your damn voice down!" i whisper yelled. "finn," noah said in a quieter tone, "how was your date?"

i rolled my eyes, "it wasn't a date. well.. we didn't day it was." i ask. "it was a date, finn." he said. "anyways, so how was it? did you hold her hand?"

when he asked that, a smile started to creep up on my face. he doesn't even know. he doesn't even know that i kissed her. i should tell him, maybe..

"hello? finn?" he said, i snapped out of my thoughts, my smile was still there though, "what happened last night?" he asked. i shrug, "oh,
you know.." i start, "just..stuff." i really should tell him, but i want to play with him for a little. "like what?" he asked, "anything worth telling?" he asked, again. i raised my eyebrows and nodded. his mouth slightly opened, "did- did you like kiss her?" he asked.

i smiled, "yup." i say casually. his eyes widened, "no. you're kidding." he says, "you're kidding!" he repeats with a more exciting tone. "i'm serious." i say proudly, which i was.

"how? how did it happen? was it long or short? where was it? did you ask her? did she ask you? did you two like..make out?" he questioned, whispering at the end. "no- i mean.. i don't kiss and tell." i say.

"oh come on! 'kiss and tell'? you have to tell me. i'm the one who set you up with her anyways." he's got a point. "alright fine." i say, "no, we did not make out. she asked me if i had ever kissed a girl, i said no, she asked me if i wanted to try for 'practice' and obviously i said yes. the kiss was short but sweet." i say.

-

"i thought you said she wanted to hide her feelings." noah told sadie, "and then she goes and kisses finn."

"i don't know..maybe she doesn't?" sadie questionably said, "she hasn't even told me about it yet. should i ask her?" she asked.

"no, wait for her to come to you." noah said, "and what if she doesn't?" she asked. "what if she was drunk or some shit–" sadie cut noah off, "no. you're getting ahead of yourself. millie doesn't even drink."

"i'm just saying.. like what if it was an accident?"

-

i have been searching the school trying to find millie, noah or sadie. mainly millie. i need to talk to her about last night. i can't get over the fact that we actually kissed, i still don't if it meant anything or not.

finally i bumped into sadie. "sadie!" i run up to her quickly. "sadie," i repeat, "hey. have you seen millie?" i ask. i wonder if she knows that we kissed. i mean, i didn't tell noah not to tell anybody. "no, i'm looking for her. but hey, if you do find her tell her i'm looking for her."

-

i didn't see millie the rest of the school day, which was unfortunate. i didn't really think much of it though, there's tons of reasons why she couldn't come to school. maybe she was sick? i went to go check up on her, because i was worried, genuinely.

i knocked on her door, i was expecting her parents or something to open the door but to my surprise it was millie herself.

"oh millie, hi." i said. she gulped, she was nervous, i could tell, "hey..wolfhard." she said. why was she nervous? was it because of last night? no it can't be, after we kissed we just danced and talked for a little then i went home.

"um, you weren't at school today. you sick?" i ask. "yeah, just a little cold, i'll be fine tomorrow.." she said. she wasn't even looking at me. did i do something wrong? this had to be about last night, it just had to be. i mean what else could it be?

"can i come in?" i ask. "i- i..don't think that's a good idea. my parents are gonna be here a little, i uh, i'm gonna go somewhere.. with them?" why was she lying? i could tell when she's lying. just like how i could tell that she was nervous.

"do you wanna talk?" she asked. "yeah actually." i say. she stepped outside, "okay."

where do i start? "so last night–" millie cut me off immediately, "about last night, it was just an in-the-moment type thing. i don't know what i was doing, i know it was wrong of me to lead you on like that. i just..don't like you like that."

i could feel my heart crumbling, breaking. was she lying? now i can't tell. i felt a lump forming in my throat. i felt as if i were to say anything my voice would just break.

"wolfhard," she said. her talking was just making it worse. "i'm sorry." please stop talking. i bit my tongue. i need to say something. i clear my throat and try to swallow the lump, "it- it's okay."

she smiled, "really?" no. "mhm." i nod, "i'll just.. pretend like it never happened." i bite down on my tongue harder than before.

"thank you so much."

-

a/n: i'm like blind right now i'm not even kidding