I want to be small.
Every day I want to collapse into myself; make myself smaller. I don't want to be any thinner, this isn't about my vanity. I don't want my bones to poke through my skin and my hair to fall out. That would defeat the purpose. People would stare at me. They would ask me how I was doing or if I needed to talk to anyone about events going on in my life. No, I don't want to be thin. I want to be invisible.
I want to go unnoticed. I want to fade into the walls of the corners I hide in, into the darkness I reside. I envelope myself in the quiet things. Music, videos, art and anything else I can do to avoid people. If I avoid them all, they can forget I exist. I can wake up in the morning with no texts on my screen. I don't want anyone to worry about me. I don't want attention. I want nothing. I want to be nothing.
I wish I didn't cross anyone's mind. I wish I was simply a dream, a character, something intangible and conceptual. Enough to where people knew I was there, but knew I was incapable of holding down. I want to wear the darkest clothes and say nothing. I don't ever want to talk again.
To anyone.
About anything.
I want to be mute. I want silence to be the only thing in my head. Because my thoughts are so loud and it's them I'm escaping.
The less I talk, the less problems I have. I don't want problems.
I wish I said pretty things that make people happy. All I say are angry, hurtful things. If I don't talk, those angry and hurtful things won't exist.
I wish my body would just fade away. I wanna crawl up into a ball and shrink until I'm nothing. I don't want to exist. I don't want this.
