Hide Away

Chapter Four -The Morning After-

~The Next Morning~

When I woke up, I had the weirdest dream ever. I was at school one minute, then the next I was in the hospital that my mom just so happened to work at, Graysen was blowing up my phone, but I was really mad at him, and flipped. 

As I was recuperating myself from waking up, my senses started to slowly come in. My eyes were still closed, but my brain was awake first and alert. Then my ears came into their senses, drawing me to a beeping sound. It sounded like a monitor to some sort, but I didn't know what kind or where the sound would even be coming from. Then my body became awake next, it felt sore, like I got ran over by a semi-truck. Next was my sense of feeling. It was at this moment I thought I was dreaming again. I felt something sore in my arm, so I gently ran a finger up my arm, feeling lacerations that I had made myself, quickly noticing that something was heavy on the hand I had moved, but when I reached my other arm, I felt a tube, than some tape, and what felt like a metal needle. In that moment, I was completely awake, and my eyes shot open..my first reaction was panic and confusion, so my body jerked forward. 

Have you ever jerked yourself the opposite direction that needles were inserted in your body? Well if you haven't, let me tell you what everyone's reaction is..

"Holy fuckin shit!!! Owww! Goddamn. Son of a bitch. Why is this in my fuckin arm? Why didn't anyone tell me about sticking a needle in me!" 

Immediately after this moment, the nurses started running in to check on me and see what happened, simultaneously realizing that I was bleeding where the IV was inserted. I guess this is something that could either be really bad, or be corrected easily. 

Quickly they started cleaning my arms up and getting new IV needles and disconnecting and reconnecting tubes. It was weird seeing them work so insyncly, avoiding the possibilities of running into one another. Before I knew it, they were all done hooking me back up and making sure everything was running. 

"Hey honey, how're you feeling?" Is all I heard from a soft voice. 

"I'm feeling okay." Is all I replied, slowly looking up to see who asked me. 

As I was looking up to see who it was they spoke again

"Sweetie you don't need to lie to me. I know that you might feel like you can't tell me, but you can. I'm not gonna judge you. I wanna know how you're feeling and if you truly are okay."

At that moment, I realized it was my mom. I didn't realize that, that exact part of my dream was real. 

I tried to bring myself to look at her, but I couldn't. How do you look at one of your parents in the eyes after they found out that you self-harm and are basically depressed. There was no way I would be able to for a while. 

"I...uhh"

Before I knew it she was walking over towards me and sat on my bed next to me. 

As she reached for my hand she whispered gently "I'm so sorry that I was never there for you Braelynn. I should've been a better mother to you. Especially because you're the only other girl in the house with me. We're surrounded by boys and never once have I taken the time to actually be with you and get to know you. I never saw the signs of you hurting yourself or becoming different as you got older. I'm so sorry."

I didn't have to look at her to know that saying that was hard for her. But I didn't know how to response, I myself was having a hard time grasping it all. I felt pathetic cause I could still barely look at her. 

The only thing I did to show her that I was listening was squeeze her hand. 

"Honey please, if you ever need anything come to me. Okay? I might not know what's going on at first, but I promise to try and understand. Could you do that for me?