Double Crossed (Invader Zim)

Chapter 11

(Dib's P.O.V)

---

The kiss was sudden. One second, I was talking, the next, Zim had his mouth pressed up against mine.

At first, I was surprised. This didn't seem anything at all like something Zim would do. I didn't even think Irkens could love. But a few moments later, none of that mattered as I closed my eyes and gave in.

I don't know how long we sat there, legs dangling over the edge, oblivious to the rest of the world. It sounds so clichéd to say that it was absolutely perfect. But it was. It really was.

When we finally pulled apart, Zim turned his head, but I could see his cheeks were blue, and he was smiling- he was actually honest-to-god smiling. No little lifts of the corners of his lips, no sarcastic smirks, no malicious grins. He was happy for once. Even if it was just this moment, he was at least happy.

And to me, that meant the world.

---

(Zim's P.O.V)

That's what it was. The welling heat, the mixed emotions, the fuzzy mind.

That's what love feels like.

Irkens don't know love. It's heavily surpressed from our systems when out Paks are installed. Maybe I was born faulty. Maybe the Tallest were right about me.

Well you know what? Screw the Tallest. Was that why there were always laughing when I reported to them? Were they laughing at me?

"Dib?" I mutter. "I'm sorry about that." I feel his hand fall onto mine, and he smiles at me.

"Don't be."

I smile "At first, I thought you cursed me or something," I say, laughing at myself. "I thought you were cursing me to make me trust you."

"I don't know if I'd even be able to do that," Dib answers, and I can tell he's flustered.

"You totally enjoyed that," I tease, poking at his stomach.

To my surprise, Dib answers, "Fuck yeah I did."

"Is that what you meant when you said you hadn't found another human who cares about you?" I ask.

"Yeah," Dib answers. He's staring down at the town, smiling like a dork. "To be honest, you're really the only one I've ever had real feelings for."

Something lights up inside of me. "Really?" My voice is so hopeful that it makes me want to slap myself.

Dib nods. "It's only been a few days, actually. I'm sixteen years old and I've never had romantic feelings for any humans." He laughs at himself, but not a pitying laugh. It's sincerely funny to him.

After a few minutes, the mood has become somber again. I sigh and hide my face. "Dib?" I ask, so quiet it's almost inaudible. Dib hears me, though.

"Yeah, Zim?"

"Do you think I'm defective?"

I can hear Dib inhale sharply. He sounds a little bit distressed when he says, "How do you mean?"

"Like... I don't know... Messed up. Wrong. Different, even. Do you think I was supposed to be like this?" I ask, gesturing to myself, then letting my arms fall to my sides. "Like... a failure?"

"Zim," Dib says. His tone is hard as he stares directly at me. "You are not a failure. Nowhere close. Hell, I think so highly of you that I tried to stop you from taking over the world. I was sincerely convinced that without me interfering, you would end up completing your mission."

"But... I'm so different from the other Irkens. I'm so unusual. My Pak does things it isn't supposed to. Some Irkens are programmed wrong. They come out defective... I'm starting to think I'm one of them," I mumble, balling my legs up and bringing my knees to my chest.

Dib scoots over a little bit, coming closer to me. He puts his arm around me, which calms me down, if only a little bit. "Zim... all those words you're using. Defective, messed up, unusual, different... they're all just words that mean 'special' in their own way, right? I don't know about Irk, but on Earth, special is good. Special means that you're important. Special means that you set yourself apart from others in a way that makes you memorable."

I don't know if he's saying all this just to calm me down, or if it's actually the truth, but I trust him. I trust that he isn't lying to me. I lean my head on his shoulder and gaze up at the stars. Somewhere out there is Irk. The place that I came from. But not my home.

Because now I do know the beauty of home.

Home is where the people who care are. Home is where you feel safe. Home is where you feel accepted. Home is where you have someone to lean on when you're feeling sad. But most importantly, home is where you can be yourself without being afraid. Where you can love someone, and not care about the rest of the world.

My home is here.