Toyebox Collection:Bedtime Stories

Revenge of Roach Man

Revenge of Roach Man

I should start out with once upon a time. The fact is, I’m sure this has happened more than once, and the time is four thirty. Instead let us start out…On a sunny afternoon in September around four thirty in the afternoon I spent the day crying and doctoring my swollen eye. Like most teenagers, I was a victim of self respect, self doubt, and the school yard bully.

Brutus never had any worries, why should he? Not only was he popular, he was also rich. Brutus spent his nights in luxury and his days picking on the poor kids. That’s right me. Me and every other kid in Needly Pines Trailer Park. I spent a large amount of time wishing I was rich, just so I could pick on him for a change. The bare walls of the trailer and the roaches who feast better than I prove me right, wishing don’t get you no where. I also thought that Genies don’t exist. I was wrong there though. I bet you think this story is about a nice little genie inside a dingy old lamp don’t you? It’s not. Let me first say, that how fair is it that anyone could find the lamp and get three wishes?

Is it fair that Brutus just got a brand new Corvette for his birthday? Is it fair that he could drive that Corvette across town with a magical genie to aid to his greed? No. That is not how this story will go.

I sat upon my bed crying my eyes out and watching the roaches scurry across the walls. I wish I was them, able to disappear into cracks when life got rough. I watched and daydreamed. I was them briefly in my head. I seen myself living an honest life where rich and poor never existed. The only meaning was survival, hard work, and the occasional Cheetos.

I snapped out of my little world when a big fat roach stopped inches from my face. I swear this thing looked me in the eyes daring me to squish it. If I was in a better mood, or Brutus, I would say “AHH A Bug!” and Kersplatsville. Instead I admired the weird golden tint this one had and decided to catch it in a jar.

That’s right, when your landlord will not allow pets you become creative. My pet roach..um..Merlin and I spent about an hour together having the most life enriching conversations. I noticed his poor little antennas were as limp as a sketti-noodle and decided to let him free. “Be free little Merlin, I don’t blame you, but remember who your friends are when we fight over the last of the macaroni tomorrow night.”

The room filled with a strange orange fog, clicking noises from all around me exploded in my ears. Hundreds, no thousands of roaches came piling into my room all surrounding Merlin.

“The bug world has found a strange god” I thought as I stared with sheer fascination. “I wonder how long before they eat me?”

A deep loud voice echoed from within the orange fog. “I will not eat you, I am Rhaha the Wise Genie of the Seven Seas. You have been found worthy of three wishes young master. Use them wisely.”

I sat there speechless. A million thoughts swarmed happily inside my cranium. “I wish for money, no. I wish for vengeance, no. I wish my mom could see this.” This one single wish almost jumped right out of my throat and into the genies will. I covered my mouth so I could not goof this up with premature verbal diarrhea.

“Can I have some time to think about the wishes?” I asked as I stood shocked and unable to finish a single thought process.

“Very well young master, I will be inside a tiny carrier you will wear around your neck. I will be listening to you at every moment until you make your wishes.”

With that, the smoke cleared, the roaches disappeared, and a small necklace was placed on the floor of my bedroom. Inside was my own personal genie to help wreak havoc upon the population.

Bedtime came and went, leaving my mind to wonder freely into a magical world of revenge. A world where I would rule. The next morning, I woke up and made a list of possible wishes. I wanted to be rich, but didn’t want to move or turn out to be like Brutus. An idea had crossed my mind once, how neat would it be if I owned the trailer park. Yea I could be the new overlord of Needly Pines.

“Genie I wish I owned this trailer park” I closed my eyes and waited. Nothing happened. I expected a magical poof or a loud magical boom. Instead all I got was a doorbell. I marched to the door and quietly opened it. Outside stood Mr. Oddly with a fist full of cash. “Sorry that rent is late, I won’t let it happen again.” The small man then vanished into trailer eighteen as quickly as he had arrived.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. Four hundred dollars richer and I haven’t even made it to school yet. I walked along the sunny path enjoying my new found happiness. I was on top of the world, ready to take on this new life I have made for myself. I had two more wishes to go. The second wish was an accident. A mere slip of the lips if you will.

I had made it all the way to the side walk and had about two blocks to go before school would squeeze the life out of me. The sound of a loud engine came up from behind me. A brand new Corvette driven by… you guessed it, Brutus came closer and closer. Finally the sleek black Corvette veered off towards the curb, throwing a tidal wave of mud towards my happy little body. Now soaked from head to toe and dripping with mud, my mood went sour.

“Man, I wish that car of his would just fall apart” I clenched my teeth and covered my mouth, but it was too late. A loud crash rang out as his parked car dismantled itself in front of my eyes.

I knew I was in trouble, when Brutus got mad he had to take his rage out on someone. That someone has one last wish left. Thinking on my feet, I came into view of the giant. I tried to sneak past him, but was already a victim.

Brutus grabbed me by the front of my shirt, lifting me from the ground. “How’s it hanging, craphead?” Brutus tightened his fist, ready to make his knuckle sandwich with extra mayo. “I’m rubber your glue, everything you say bounces off of me and sticks to you” Brutus looked shocked at my remark. As he reared back to hit me I continued my conversation with him.

“I wished it worked that way, what was it you called me Brutus, a craphead?” His fist contacted my face making a nice little swollen lip to match my swollen eye. It was worth it though.

Out of the sunny blue sky came massive piles of cow dung pouring directly on top of poor Brutus’s head. He ran. He screamed. He hid. Nothing worked, he still had piles coming down on only him. That was weeks ago. He is still rich, but not happy. Scientists are baffled at how this is even possible. Some say it was a curse, some say it was something he ate.

I say, what goes around comes around. I do feel sorry for him though... not really.