Toyebox Collection:Bedtime Stories

Ninja Monkeys Ate My Homework

Ninja Monkeys Ate My Homework

            I watched with fascination as Hermit shook his cage violently. Mr. Finkle continued his lecture on how monkeys are primates with superior intelligence and blah blah blah. I wasn’t listening. I was glued to the Hermit channel.

How cool is it to have a monkey as a class pet in fifth grade? Hermit continued his rampage for another ten minutes before settling down. Mr. Finkle finally had my attention.

            “Today class, we will examine how monkey’s can use tools to achieve their goals in nature.” His very dull voice maintained its annoyance as he starting walking around the room. He stopped at Billy’s desk and poked him in the arm. “Do I bore you Billy?” asked Mr. Finkle.

            Billy looked up with his sleepy eyes and stretched his arms wide. “No Sir” he said pouting. “This isn’t study hall, you will pay attention or you’ll be leaving my class, is that understood?” “Yes sir” Billy’s face turned a bright shade of red as all twenty classmate’s turned to face him. “Shall I continue?” Mr. Finkle walked the room looking for any more trouble brewing. When he was absolutely certain that he had everyone’s attention, he continued with his borefest.

            He slowly walked over to Hermits cage and peered in at the little creature. Hermit seemed to stare directly through Mr. Finkle. The ruler came closer to the cage as Mr. Finkle released the latch. Hermit grabbed the ruler and tightened his hairy little paw around it. That was to be expected.

“As you can see class, Hermit’s animal instincts allowed him to know exactly what to do with the tool. Any item of value introduced into his environment will be utilized in the most efficient manner possible.”

Thwack. The ruler came hard across his forehead in a vicious manner. Thwack, Thwack. More attacks from the ruler landed abruptly against Mr. Finkle’s face. Hermit swung with precision, he swung with speed, he swung with all the ability of a true Ninja Monkey.

Our beloved teacher fell to the ground and covered his face. Trying to avoid the attacks from Hermit, he rolled. He rolled and he kicked. The whole class screamed in horror as more monkeys dropped from ropes. Thirteen Ninja Monkeys started attacking the whole class.

I hid under my desk as one of the foul beasts landed on top of my study area. He grabbed my textbook, he grabbed my homework. He slammed them hard against my frail little body ripping them to shreds. Many other students ran around the room kicking an shooing the ninjas but failed miserably.

They acted quickly beating everyone in submission. Just when we thought we were sunk, the principal came marching into the room with a fire hose. He turned the knob forcing many pounds of pressure against the chests of the hairy beasts, sending them flying across the room. Many angry monkey chirps came from the throats of the ninjas as they attempted to fight back.        

The pressure was too much. Glass shattered and filled the air as many were blown out of our classroom and into the shrubs beneath. Four or five of them played a version of wet willy twister as their bodies slid under each other on the wet surface.

Some had already climbed the walls, some had already fled. The ones that stood against the brave principal never stood a chance. To my surprise, Principal So brave pounded his fist against the fire alarm, sending water flying from the sprinkler systems.

The monkeys fell, one by one, Mr. So brave hit them with tremendous pressure from his hose. I heard many distinctive squeaks as the fell away from my life forever.

Animal control came and took the little creatures away to the clink. Right now, I bet every single one is running a tin cup across the bars of their jail cells. It serves them right.

The substitute erupted in laughter. She wiped the tears from her eyes as she tried to calm herself. “Mr. Bradley, I was here yesterday and don’t remember any of this. Our principals name is Sobravia, not So Brave, and making up stories will not keep you from getting an F when you don’t do your homework!”