What had happened in my life

Age 14- dating a boy that hurt me

Starting back to when i asked a guy out by saying it started to be a crush and i asked him out we dated and we never kissed we were closed to doing it so many times but we would turn away and never do it one time we were so close and turned away when i got home i see a message from the boy and he said 'were u going to kiss me?' I was just thinking omg i am so nervous and i said '..... yes i was going to be i couldnt get myself to what about u were u going to kiss me?' And i had a lot running through my mind like what is going to happened is he going to say no or is he going to say yes idk what is going to happened he texted back which i that is was a lil weird.

 he said ' yes i was but i also was having another also be happy as well' i just laughed reading it and i couldnt stop it was just funny but the next day we sat together his arms around me and me leaning on i though this was perfect until i faced him and he just kissed me i was i shocked and i didnt know what to do i was just sitting there idk what to do but i kissed him back and the bell rang for class he texted me 'so how did i do ' i asked him 'what do u mean' right then i send it he said ' the kiss i though u wouldnt kiss me bck bc i did want to kiss u and everytime we were close to we both looked away so i finally did it and i still love u kitty' i was so happy with him i though he was my true love and my whole world and i went to his house twice and his friend came with us once them he also brought another couple.

 we sat there and talk and laugh well here comes the day before Christmas break and my nana (my dads mom i call her nana) well she let him come over and we were on my couch playing pool and kissing a lot he would even kiss my neck while i was playing before he left we have a close to a full make out but there was a knock on the door and my grandma was there and he gave me a last kiss and left to get ready to go to mexico and i left well the break was over but he didnt come back and i have been asked if we broke up i kept saying no we didnt i had enough questions about us so i asked him ' are we through bc people have been asking if we did break up and idk what to say. So what are we?' 

He said' well i did want to break up with u and i didnt want to hurt u plus i dont like long distance relationship so yeah sorry jazmin' just seeing my name and not my nickname i was hurt just so bad and i did something i didnt want to do over a guy i grabbed my razor blade and i just cut and cut and cut and blood ran on my arm i was done i called my one of my ex friends and i was crying, cutting and explaining everything to her to this day i have never kissed a boy or let my real feelings out again i have also stop self-harming myself i was done and everything i have been hiding everything for this happening to me again i want to be with somebody who treats me right and loves me for me and doesnt care what happened in my past that is who i want in my life not somebody ready to hurt me

Thanks guys if u are reading this there will be more coming soon will be slow and everything but yeah this is only one thing that has happened to me there will be a lot more

~~~~~~~kitten out 😺~~~~~~