Jack of Hearts [Are you Alice?]

16

 I have to finish this. I have to write what happened after I blacked out.

It was when I lost consciousness that everything came back to me. Everything that happened before Wonderland, everything that was haunting my dreams and writing itself in my journal. I finally knew who I had been... except for my name, of course.

I cannot say that this knowledge changed who I am. It was as if I already had it all along. Except that now, I know.

So here's what happened after I remembered.

When I woke up, the Queen was sitting beside my bed. He was there. I could feel that someone had healed the hit I had received on my head. My hair fell loosely on my blind eye. I slowly sat up, grimacing. My head still hurt a bit. I glanced at the other man. Strangely, he was looking at me nicely, without his usual arrogance. He smiled softly. It reminded me of old times.

I put a hand in my coat and took out my pen and my notebook. I had so many things I wanted to say! I was about to start writing when a hand placed itself softly on mine. I looked at the Queen in surprise. He only smiled. He looked a little sad.

"You can talk," he simply said with a neutral, kind of gentle voice.

I hesitated, and he let go of my hand. I put back my pen and notebook in my pockets and turned towards my Queen. He was as pretty as ever, his outfit as perfect as it always was. He seemed tired, a bit sad and somehow happy. It was a strange feeling that I felt as I glanced at him.

"Do you remember... who you were before you came to Wonderland?" I asked slowly after a moment of silence.

The Queen smiled with a hint of sadness.

"Yes. I do."

I looked down at my hands in silence. There was nothing else to say. The Queen knew that I had suddenly remembered, and I knew what part he played in my life before I even came to Wonderland.

There was nothing to say.

We both knew what the other felt. We had always been that way. Words weren't needed...

I don't know how much time we just stayed there, immobile, in silence.

It was the Queen who broke the silence.

"Jack..." he simply said.

I turned towards him. Our eyes met, golden with dark red. I didn't say anything at looked at what he was presenting me.

In his hands sat a black piece of clothing...

My eye patch.

I looked back up at him. He smiled again, trying to hide the hope and pain in his eyes. But I knew how he felt. I always knew. I had just never chosen to face the truth. I had tried not to see it...

Until now.

I raised my head and buried once again my gaze in his. His mesmerizing eyes were full of hope, desire and despair. Don't leave me, they seemed to say. Not again.

I brought my hand closer to his and brushed my fingers against the eye patch.

I wasn't going to lose him again. Not now, now that I've finally found him.

I nodded.

I know my heart started beating faster. I did not look away. I faced the Queen. I had always refused to do so, and now there was no running away. I wondered if he was as captivated by the light in my eyes as I was with his.

He closed his hands on the eye patch and slowly raised them. He did not look away from my gaze as he did so.

I felt his fingers brush against the skin of my face in a soft caress that evaporated as soon as I felt it. His eyes drowned me in a red ocean of feelings. Happiness, hope, passion, desire but also pain and despair. I think he must've seen as well what I felt in my expression and eyes.

The Queen finally reached the back of my head and slowly tied the strings together, slightly moving some of my hair. He let the eyepatch go, and my blind eye was hidden once again. I did not move. He drew back his hands. His left hand's fingers hesitated a second and slowly fell down my cheek.

His expression softened for a short moment. I'm happy you're alright, he seemed to be saying to me.

He smiled and his hands were back in his lap, his expression back to normal. I opened my mouth and stopped as he spoke up before me.

"Hush. It is enough for today, isn't it?"

His voice was clear and seemed happier than before. I closed my lips together.

"I..." The rest of his sentence disappeared in a deep breath.

The Queen looked at me once again, and I saw everything.

And I'm sure he saw everything I felt as well.

The Rabbit had decided to make me protect someone...

When I wished to destroy the world, he gave me to opportunity to finally protect what meant the world to me.

He got up and smiled.

"Get ready. I'll be waiting for you," he said.

The Queen glanced at me one last time and walked out of the room. From behind, it was impossible to see anything else than the elegant, arrogant and cruel Queen he always was. Yet... I knew him better than anyone. Even the parts of him he kept hidden, showing them only to the few who knew him... To me.

I can finally understand what he feels towards me.

Even if he did not say it out loud.

There are things better left unsaid.

Even when both of us know.

I will not be continuing this journal. This is my last entry, as I get ready to go back to the Queen. I had started it because I had things I wanted to say without having the chance to speak up. But now that I finally said everything I have ever wanted to...

There simply is nothing else to say, nothing else to write in here.

I do not belong anywhere else than where I am now. I am not a writer, nor the man I was before Wonderland.

I am not running away from the truth anymore.

The Queen's waiting for me. I'll soon go to him... and probably never leave his side again.

Because, after all, I am Jack of Hearts.

And I shall protect the Queen of Hearts.

- Jack of Hearts