Away for a month

Chapter 12

*Authors Note*

Getting feels from your own fanfic is the weirdest <3 

Watch the link bc #yassss

That is what has been playing in my brain like every time I come to write this.

Zoes POV

I had just stepped through the door and began to unpack my shopping when the door once again opened, this time with Tyler and Troye. I hung up a brand new floral, silky top onto a pink velvet hanger and stepped into the hall to greet them.

"Aloha," I beemed, catching them off guard.

"Hi," Tyler giggled.

"Was up," Troye laughed, before walking away from Tyler to take off his shoes. I leant against the door frame and watched Troye, who was staring expectantly at Tyler.

"OAKLEY!" Alfie shouted from the kitchen, throwing a bag of crisps at him. Good job it was crisps as well, since Tyler didn't catch them.

"Hey!" Tyler said, fixing his hair before bending down to pick them up, "you ok down there Troye?"

Troye lauhed and slid off his other shoe, before straightening himself and walking past me to get to Alfie.

I followed Troye and heard Tyler jump into the loo behind me. 

"Zo, where are the mars bars?" Alfie called, looking around in the top cupboard and then in the fridge. 

"Don't ask me. I've not touched them," I said, walking over to the sofa and grabbing hte remote.

I flicked through a few channels before settling on a music channel, playing through a load of old country and western songs that I had never heard of in my life. I sunk down into the sofa a bit more and got my phone out of my bag. 

I scrolled through my Twitter, liking the occasional selfie, replying to some viewers cute tweets about me. I tweeted a picture me and Alfie had took earlier by a pretty water feature and waited for the replies.

'@TanyaBur: You two are too cute <3 missing you guys! Hope you're having a brill time!xx'

'@ZozeeBo: thankyou Tan! It's crazy hot here! Missing you all. Tell Jim that I loved his new video!'

"What'ya doing?" Alfie asked, leaning over me and wrapping his arms around my neck. I pressed my head back onto his chest and smiled.

"Just talking to Tan. Found the mars bars yet?" I asked.

"No," he pouted, "I'll just get some more later. Are we going out?"

"I hope so. I want to do some Zalfie Troyler bonding!" I laughed.

Troyes POV

"Is Tyler still on the toilet?" I asked, glancing down the hall.

"Uh- yea I guess. I've not heard him come out," Alfie said, putting his chin on top of Zoes head and reading her tweets over her head.

"I'm going to see if he's ok," I announced, walking tto the bathroom door.

I knocked. He unlocked it and pulled me in by my wrist.

"Wha-?" I asked  asked as Tyler locked the door behind me, "Tyler?"

"I can't stop thinking about being in the carridge. The other night. I get now that it seems like it was my fault," My eye brows shot up at the word 'seems'. He wasn't going to blow it was he? Ugh.

He sat down on the toilet seat and I perched on the edge of the bath.

"Seems?" I repeated, trying to hide the utter disgust in my vice. It was funny how quickly I could flicker between being angry, uset and just plain pissed.

"Yes. I realise now it was all just a huge misunderstanding," I couldn't help but smile inside. He was doing that thing with his feet and he was playing with his hands. It all looked so geniune, so cute, so Tyler-ish, "what I said. You took it the wrong way. I said it wrong. I didn't mean it. Well I did, just not like that. I hated the feeling. It felt so unsafe. So when I laughed, it was out of nerves. I just. I love you Tro-"

I cut him short by diving into his arms and pushing him backward, so he was firmly against the back of the toilet. I sat on the edge, with my arms around his neck tightly and my head under his, with his chin resting on my hair.

"I know you do Tyler. I love you too. I'm sorry I'm such a screw up. I understand now. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," I said, a tear forming in my eye. Tyler really cared. But I didn't want him to.

"Don't cry, please," Tyler murmed.

"You know Tyler, its not to late to leave," I sighed, wiping my eye on the back of my hand.

"What?" he asked, turning his head so it was closer to mine.

"It's all going to be way too much effort, you know. I stopped functioning properly years ago. I don't need help, I need to be fixed. But I don't want to be fixed. It's just, I don't want you to start helping me and then think it's too much hard work and stress. I'm really not worth it to be honest. So I don't want you to realise this in a few weeks time and give up on me. Because I don't know what would happen them. Knowing that you love me is enough. I don't really care about getting fixed, I topped caring a while ago. Just knowing that you love me is enough. Please Tyler, don't get yourself in to far," I whispered, staring blankly at the floor. It was all true. I don't care about getting fixed. Not if he loves me. 

"Troye I promise. You're going to have to just take my word for it, okay. I will not give up on you. Because you are more than this. You were more than this. Playlist Live last year it wasn't this bad was it?" he asked me, with his hand in mine on top of my lap. He had turned me around so I was inbetween his legs with my back onto his chest, his head on top of mine and our hands entivined on my legs.

"If anything it was worse," I sighed, thinking back to the never ending stream of dark nights I spent on the bathroom floor, under my covers crying myself to sleep and the endless awkward times I had refused food. It was so obvous, why did no one notice? Maybe people did. I shivered at the thought. It was in the past. But not really.