The Field of Ash

"Miss Independent"~Kelly Clarkson

"Miss Independent" ~Kelly Clarkson

Chapter 2

~Ash~

     Mondays were the hardest day of the week for me. They were the days after my meetings with Connor. They were the days where I have to watch him from a far, wishing I could use Connor's promise. Wishing I could be one of the girls striding around with him. One of the girls hugging him constantly. At least it enlightens me to know he doesn't really flirt back.

     I'm such a stalker.

     But then again, as I sit here alone I couldn't help but watch his beautiful golden hair and blue eyes walk by me. He didn't even glance at me, but I know it's part of his act. He would lose his position in the school if any one found out about us.

     Just one of the facts I hate about our relationship.

     I was sitting in the school courtyard, with me, myself and I. Books were splayed out in front of me in the grass, and I was sitting crisscrossed reading one and writing notes into a note book besides me.

     What a loner.

     He walked by, his large posse of people following him, all dressing like him. The Connor-Wanna-Be's I called them, or CWB's. The crowd passed, and I stared after them, full of lust and envy. With a sigh, I turned back to my books. I had a stupid Bio test today. I pushed all thoughts of Connor away, just for a little bit grudgingly. I really needed to study.

     As I finished up the last few notes, a dark shadow loomed in front of me, blocking my light. I looked up, it was Connor, smiling. And surprisingly, alone. I was deeply confused. He had never done this before.

     "Wha...?" I started to ask, but he started talking, low and quiet, in his sexy voice of his.

     "I don't have much time. I want to say I miss you. A lot. And good luck on your..." he said quickly, only to be cut off my his right hand man, Austin.

     "Connor! What are you doing, talking to that girl? She's a loser." Austin shouted from across the yard. Connor gave a sad smile to me, before turning and walking away.

     "Sorry Austin. She's in my Bio class. Just making sure we have the test today." he lied, as he came nearer. I stared after him, confused, amazed, and bewildered.

     Until a fly flew into my mouth.

     I started chocking and coughing, falling into the grass holding my throat. Heads turned, including Connor's and Austin's. Austin was laughing real hard. Connor just watched. Chorus of more laughter surrounded me as I spluttered out the offending bug.

     "See!" Austin managed to speak out between fits of laughter. "Loser!"

     Finally, I managed to catch my breath. With as much dignity as I could muster, I gather up my books and threw them into my backpack. I swung it on my shoulder, tears starting to fill my eyes. I glanced at Connor, hoping he would rush over and help me.

     Of course not.

     But on his face was a sorrow that he was trying to hide, but it came out like a scowl. I buried my head into my hands and rushed off, leaving from the fading laughter.  The tears started to flow more freely as I entered the library. I found a quiet spot in the back and sat down. I sobbed into my arms. I had totally just embarrassed myself.

     I sat there sobbing for God knows how long, until a soft hand was placed on my shoulder. I glanced up hesitantly.

     "Are you alright?" Connor asked quietly, kneeling down in front of me, concern in his crystal blue eyes. I reached and grabbed his gentle hand, my red rimmed eyes swimming in his pool colored ones.