4th June, 2014
It’s been two days since you left my life. I know that you’re with me still and you never really left, but it is so difficult to live like this. I can’t see your tranquil eyes or feel your soft endearing hands. I wish I could bring you back. I don’t want anyone else near me. I don’t want to live without you. I can’t live without you. It’s impossible for me, I’m sorry. I’m trying. I feel like I’m going to choke on tears constantly. I can’t last another day in this house by myself. Everything reminds me of you. My heart can’t take the strain. When I do something simple like walk our dogs, I look at a flower and think of you. I look at that flower and it reminds me how pretty you’d look in front of me. Every time I moved my hand up your cheek and through your hair, you’d smile and gently grab my wrist. You loved it. But now that you’re gone, I can’t see you smile. I can’t feel you grab my wrist. It’s so lonely and cold without you, sweetheart. I remember that on Thursday afternoons when I’d finished work, I would sit and wait for you to come home. Those 3 hours of waiting made me feel sick because I couldn’t stand the thought of you getting hurt on your way home. And every time you’d come through the door and my heart would calm. My hands wouldn’t shake. My eyes wouldn’t water.
But this time is different.
I’m still waiting for you. I’ll never stop waiting for you because you’re never coming home.
You’re by my side but I’m not by yours.
And it kills me.
