Rings of Spies and Webs of Lies; an AMC Turn FanFic

Chapter Twelve

I take Ben's watch from my pocket and place it on the nightstand on what is now my side of the bed. My hands shake slightly so I clench them into fists and hold them in my lap. The nightgown hangs loosely around my body but I cannot help but feel as if every part of me were visible. Robert sits behind me on the other side of the bed and I feel the mattress move under his weight. Everything inside of me was screaming for it all to stop as Robert's hand touches my shoulder and gently lays me down on the bed.

My breath shakes and I feel panic stricken as Robert lays along side of me, "I'm afraid," I gasp and look away as he leans in to kiss me.

Robert nods his head, "As am I, Trethewey... I have barely spoken with women and now... here I am with you. I should know... but I do not."

"Know?" I whisper and he looks away with blushing cheeks, "oh... I see... Well, touch me."

"Touch you?" his eyes grow wide and his hand shakes as he lays it on my stomach.

I close my eyes and turn onto my side so that he could lay behind me. As his fingers pull my nightgown up, inch by inch, I close my eyes and think of Ben. I think of the way he nibbles on my earlobes and makes me giggle under his touch. I think of his hands instead of Robert's and my entire body is electrified. Gasps, moans, and kisses with closed eyes. Robert is so gentle that I almost didn't realize what was happening until he was almost finished. His breath against my neck raises the hair on my arms in a way that makes me cringe as I turn to look back at him. He is sweaty and lays there with his eyes closed.

"You were so quiet," I whisper and pull the blanket around my chest, feeling disgusted with myself.

"I guess..." he shakes his head and glances in my direction, "I guess I didn't find it necessary."

"I understand," I clear my throat and turn to look at the wall away from him.

Robert doesn't say anything else after that... I believe he fell right to sleep. I try to sleep, I really do, but all I feel is hate. I cannot help but feel regret for what I have just done. Everything hurts... my heart, my body, my mind. When I close my eyes, all I see is Ben... All I see is him and the way I know he is hurting because I am...

After a few days, I realize that I can only pretend for about an hour and then I cannot even look at Robert. It isn't that he is cruel or unkind... in fact he is the opposite. It is that all I see when I look at him is Ben. Every time he touches me... every time we lay down to sleep... All there is before me is Ben. Days turn to weeks and soon weeks turn to a month... Together, Robert and I work in the tavern but it doesn't last long.

Five or six months after I left Ben, I had to loosen the strings on my gown... Some how, my belly began to grow and for a long time I pretended that it was nothing. I pretended like there was nothing happening... I had to. If I told Robert then he would call for a doctor and the doctor would know that there is no way the child could be his.

"Mrs. Townsend," Robert asks as I bring glasses back to his counter.

"Yes," I force a smile as I look up at him.

"Are you sure you are feeling-"

Robert is cut off by the door of the tavern flying open and several men walking in with what look to be packages of papers, "Oh my..." I whisper as Rivington walks up to us, "are we to be having an extra addition to tomorrows papers?"

Rivington gives a chuckle, "Oh no, Mrs. Townsend."

"Sister!" John walks in from the street and embraces me, "my... you are absolutely glowing!"

My eyes grow wide and I clear my throat, "Oh, John!" I laugh nervously, "flattery will get you no where."

He smiles that crinkled eyed smile and kisses my forehead, "It has been too long, my darling!"