Find Me A Reason

05. The Devil In Disguise

It wasn't constant darkness. It was more of a grey cloud hovering over her shoulders occasionally shifted by the wind of someone else's sunny mood. But it always came back. Sure, she struggled to smile at the best of times, and laughing wasn't something she tended to do ever, not since her work colleagues visited her, but it was there. The will to smile, and the longing to laugh again, it was still there.

Candice had been to visit a few more times, with each she had brought a smile and then left in tears. Sienna hadn't been seen in the hospital building again, but their other high school friend Rachel, she had managed to squeeze a visit in. That hadn't gone so well either.

But this week it had been empty of visitors. Granted, it was only Tuesday, but Millar could feel a heaviness sitting on her chest. She could only describe it as loneliness, the kind that you can feel in your bones, and sitting in the darkest corners of your mind. That kind of loneliness.

Nurse Jackie still came to see her every couple of hours, their routine was still the same. Millar would cast the pills onto the side of the room in contempt and refuse to take the back up dose. Maybe that was part of what was causing her loneliness. Doctor Thester was also seeing her every day, trying to get Millar to open up, to talk a little, and always leaving with the promise that he would be back.

Millar truly didn't understand why he kept coming back, she wasn't lost. She knew exactly where she was and she didn't want help from anyone to get back onto the track that everyone so desperately wants to stay on. She was happy on her own little planet, her own path.

'You have someone here to see you Millar' One of the younger nurses gave the signal to Millar that it was a male, and although Millar was still holding a hatred for the other gender, she was desperate to rid herself of the loneliness. So she granted access to the man standing on the other side of the door.

'Millar. Long time, no see' Millar stared at the familiar face in shock. She hadn't expected to see him here, or ever again considering her agenda.

'Barrett Hartmann. What are you doing here?' Millar exclaimed holding her arms open for a hug.

The two were close friends but Barrett lived on the other side of the country so they didn't often see each other. In fact, it was an eight-hour drive from city to city, and the planes wouldn't fly direct so it was often a complicated journey. Hence the reason they didn't get to catch up in person very often.

'I heard my favourite farm girl was being a difficult patient so I thought I'd better come sort her out' Barrett pulled out of the hug and inspected Millar's face. He could see the remnant of tears, and a kind of emptiness in the girls eyes, but he could still see a little of the girl he knew. The girl he liked, and would travel eight hours to spend time with.

'It's probably not her fault. Give the girl some slack. No but seriously, why didn't you tell me you were coming here?'

'Would you have let me in if you knew it were me?'

Millar didn't say anything. They both knew the answer to his question. No. She would have refused to see him, and she would have told him not to waste his time travelling to see her. They had a complicated past.

'You shouldn't have come Hartmann. I mean, I appreciate it and all... but you shouldn't have come' Barrett stared at the girl, contemplating his next words.

'I should have though. What kind of friend would I be if I didn't? Not the kind that deserves an inch of your time, that's what kind. And you know, I would travel the world for you Van Der Meer'

Nurse Jackie watches through the window, feeling a sense of relief as she watches as this young boy brings a smile to the face of the suffering girl. Like a proud mother, she walked away feeling satisfied. She wasn't sure why this boy was different to the other friends, and she wasn't sure why he didn't induce the same fear as the rest of his gender, but it didn't matter. He could make Millar smile, and that was good enough for her.