Find Me A Reason

13. The Littlest Of Dreams

It was the little things that seemed to stick in mind and keep one from getting the sleep that they so desperately needed. Millar found herself thinking back to the conversation she had with Sammy the other day on the phone. Sammy had wanted to visit again but couldn't because Barrett had been so busy lately.

She had compromised by getting to skype her new friend. It had been a good distraction for Millar. Sammy's heart shaped face and beautiful dark blue eyes had brought a smile to Millar's face instantly. Also because of the innocence of the smile plastered on Sammy's face.

Millar had been thinking about the whole pregnancy thing in the past few days. She hadn't yet brought up the fact with Jackie, half protecting Chris from his snooping but also half because she was afraid to hear the confirmation of the news. But something Sammy had said had struck a chord in Millar's tightly bound heart.

'If I don't ask, I'm never going to know. And If I never know, I'll always be asking myself, what if? And I don't have time for that uncertainty'

The younger girl had a type of maturity that can't be found in her own generation, and it left Millar speechless for the good half of a minute. She made a note to take Sammy's own statement on board, and to use it in her own life. Like she was intending to in a couple of minutes.

'Pills today Millar?'

'Nope.'

'Will a bribe help?'

'Nope.'

Nurse Jackie glanced at the girls heart monitor, seeing her heart rate speed up a little. That, and the fact that Millar wouldn't meet her eyes, gave way to the fact that Millar knew something and had an urge to ask something.

'What's on your mind Millar?'

'Is there anything you want to tell me about my condition?' Millar stared at her nurse. On the exterior, she looked calm and collected, aside from the heart machine showing how fast her heart was beating. On the interior, her stomach was in knots, her heart was struggling with the anxiety and her mind was trying to hide under a rock.

Nurse Jackie immediately knew what the girl was talking about. She had hoped she wouldn't be the one that would have to tell the girl the dreaded news. 'Who told you?' Millar shrugged silently. She was waiting for a confirmation, a vocal confirmation, from the older nurse.

Jackie sat down with a defeated sigh, her blue nurse uniform standing out against the stark white of the hospital sheets. Not very warm sheets either. 'It's true.' Jackie's hazel eyes oozed with sympathy and pain for the young girl.

'Fuck.' Millar sank back into her pillows, her mind escaping into the dark. She had been praying for the past couple of days, that Nurse Jackie would tell her that it would be false positive. That she wasn't really be pregnant, that she could find a way around it all.

'What can I do about this?'

'That is completely your decision darling, you probably already know your options. Adoption, Abortion... keeping it' Millar screwed her face up at the last part of the nurse's sentence.

Millar's face whipped to the doorway when she heard a horrified gasp and the shattering of glass. Her favourite girl stood as white as a ghost, her mind conforming to the reality of Millar's new situation.

'You're pregnant!?' Casey rushed to the bed and clutched the hand of the girl she considered a sister. She thought Millar would be more devastated than she looked, but Casey felt the pain and jealousy bouncing around in her own heart.

Miles and Casey had been trying for a kid for the past few months. Miles' parents hadn't been too happy about that, seeing as the pair weren't yet married, but they had shut their mouths and just accepted what was. But she also knew she had no reason to be jealous, because in the untimely event of things, she was also carrying.