Recovery-Sequel to Burn and America(Captain America FanFic) [DISCONTINUED]

Chapter 1

Steve Rogers - Captain America

I sat on the couch in Stark Towers, wearing my dark brown leather jacket and a pair of black jeans and a white v-neck t-shirt. I was dressed up, ready to go.

I had promised her I'd be ready when she came back.

I was sitting on the couch, no TV or anything on, just staring out the window over the city that never sleeps. I felt the couch dip down slightly, and looked over.

Natasha was sitting on the couch beside me, Clint and Bruce directly behind her. Thor was standing, arms crossed, beside Tony at the end of the couch, who had his hands shoved into his pockets and Pepper standing shoulder to shoulder with him.

I felt a stab of envy as I saw the two of them together.

Happy.

Together.

Unlike her and I. We weren't together. We were far apart. I wasn't happy, not without her beautiful light to shine through my depressed darkness.

"Hey Cap." Natasha said lightly. "What are you all dressed up for?" She asked gently.

Didn't they know? Didn't they remember the promises that we made her? That I made her?

"I'm waiting for her." I said simply. Natasha's confident smile wavered for a millisecond, only long enough for me to see. Had I blinked just then, I would have missed it. But I didn't blink, and I didn't miss it.

It's almost been a month now, since 'Her Incident', as the rest of the Avengers refer to it. I didn't refer to it at all. Everyone was staying at Stark Towers, staying together, keeping each other company and helping each other stay sane.

At least, that's what they told me when I asked why they didn't leave. I think they stayed so they could keep an eye on me, make sure I wasn't loosing it or going suicidal.

I wasn't going to commit suicide anytime soon, that was for sure. I had a promise to keep. I intended to keep this one.

Every night for the past month now, I'd dressed as best I could and waited in Stark's living room until around midnight or someone convinced me to turn in for the night.

Every night for the past month now, I'd wished that she'd walk in through that elevator, green eyes bright, dark hair bouncy and falling down her back in its wavy, bouncy way. Wished to hear her voice in my ear again, telling me it'd be alright.

And sometimes, at night, I dreamed about her. About wearing my nice leather jacket and a pair of my best jeans, waiting for her by the elevator with a bouquet of roses. She'd exit those gray steel doors, sometimes wearing a slim maroon dress and black heels, a maroon blouse, black jeans, tall leather boots, and her leather jacket from the first day we met. Once, I think she was even wearing a deep blue skirt and a white blouse, with a bright red clip holding one side of her hair back. My uniform colors.

But everytime she'd ask me if she looked alright, and I'd always reply with a simple, 'You look stunning.'

But that's all they were.

Dreams.

She wasn't here.

She wasn't wearing a maroon dress and black heels.

She wasn't wearing a maroon blouse, black jeans, tall leather boots, or her leather jacket from the first day we met on that hellicarrier.

She wasn't wearing an outift of my uniform colors.

She wasn't here.

She was not here.

"Cap.." Natasha trailed off, jolting me from my thoughts. "She's, gone Cap." Clint said behind her.

"Its been almost a month now." Bruce said quitely.

"You have to face the facts Steve." Tony interjected.

"She isn't coming back." Pepper said softly beside him.

"She dead, Captain Rogers." Thor said gruffly.

"No, she'll be here. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or the week after, or the month or the year, but she'll be here. She'll stand right in front of us, alive and breathing, smiling her beautifully optomistic smile, her beautiful green eyes sparkling while she asks us why we look so depressed. She's going to make it, she will, and I know it." I argued.

"Cap," Tony stepped forward, putting a hand on my shoulder. "You have to move on."

I brushed his hand off my shoulder and stood, yelling, "I don't want to move on! I don't want to feel better! I just want her! Out of everything this world, and the next, and in all the nine realms, all I want is her!"

The Avengers and Pepper were stunned to silence. I had never yelled that loud, never. I'm sure I had yelled loud enough for Loki to hear me.

Yes, Loki. He was in the building. He was in the Stark Tower. Alive, which didn't sit very well with me. I could tell it didn't sit well with Clint, Natasha, or Tony, and both Pepper and Bruce were staying neutral in the whole endeavor, but Thor wanted his brother alive until he was able to bring him safely back to Asgard.

Thor had said he was going to stay on Earth for a whole month after.... 'Her Incident'. He wanted to be there if she came back, and when they held the reception in her honor a month after her disappearance. That was the way things worked with Shield.

I sighed, and sat back down, running a hand through my hair. "What am I going to do without her?" I asked to no one in particular. "She held me together. She brought me back to the world when I thought I was beyond it all. She did so much for me. She meant so much to me..."

Natasha put a hand on my shoulder. "We know how much she meant to you, Steve." Natasha says softly. "To all of us. She was like the center of this team, the heart. Everyone loved her, and everyone's lives are changed now that she's gone."

"I feel like there's a hole, a hole because she's gone. That's how much she meant to me, that now that she's gone, a piece of me is gone." Natasha explains.

"I feel the same." Tony pipes up. "She was like a sister to me. And I never got to tell her that. I never got to tell her how I felt about her."

Everyone murmured in agreement. She had touched all these lives. She had lit up the world's of these poor, dysfunctional family of superheros, and now that she was gone, it was like we were stumbling around in the dark.

"I never got to tell her how I felt. I never got to tell her that every morning, when I wake up, that the first thing I think about is her. Her face, her beautiful gold flecked green eyes, her long, dark wavy hair. The way she talks, and laughs, and argues, and fights. The way she moves, walks, runs, everything. She was everything and anything I ever thought about. And now that she's gone, its so hard, because she was such a big part of me. I remember her whenever I see something even resembling fire."

"Whenever I'm in a gym, I remember how she used to attack those poor training dummies. I remember the last sparring match we had before that last battle with Loki, and how we almost kissed in the boxing ring. How we almost kissed in the infirmary, and how I was almost able to tell her how I felt about her. I see her in everything that is alive, and bright, and beautiful. I can't get over her, when I haven't even stopped seeing her yet. When I haven't stopped feeling her. When I haven't stopped thinking about her, and reaching out to grasp her hand, or turning around to tell her something. I can't get over something thats still here."

I feel the tears slip down my face, but I don't care. This is for her, about her, and its alright, she'd say. She'd say that its alright to cry, but not to waste time crying over her. She'd say it was useless, she was gone and I should move on. I should go be happy, in any way I can. Even if it means forgetting her and finding another.

And thats another thing I regret. Not telling her how I feel. Not kissing her, not being there. Not staying even when I knew I'd die with her. Not being there for her in her final moments.

I regret a lot of things in my life.

But what I regret the most is not being there for the woman I loved with my whole heart when she needed me the most.