If He Had Been With Me

Chapter 5

I wondered if I was dead. But it hurt so much, maybe I was in hell for being responsible for killing Aaron. Sweet, wonderful Aaron. My best friend.
I couldn't quite catch my breath and my chest felt like it was being stomped on my a herd of elephants. I prayed that I was dead because what world would it be with me alive and not my best friend?
"Ang? Baby can you hear me?" My mother called. Slowly my senses were coming back to me, so that meant I was definitely alive.
"Angela?" My mom called again.
I opened my eyes to several worried faces and bright hospital lights.
"Oh thank god! You're awake!" My mom exclaimed. She looked like a wreck. Her hair was a misshapen rat's nest, and her eyes were puffy from crying. Same thing for my dad. I suppose I was in no better shape myself. It took me a moment to remember exactly why I was in the hospital, but it all came back with the force of a dam breaking after a flood. The new waves crashed over me and threatened to drown me. I sucked in a breath and I heard my heart beat accelerate on the monitor.
"Oh Angela. I'm so sorry." My mom started to cry. She loves Aaron to, and here was her baby girl in the hospital battered up and barely able to move.
A doctor walked in a announced, "You have a severe concussion, along with several cuts along your arms and neck. Your left leg was crushed in the car, and you have a few broken ribs along with bruising almost everywhere." The doctor paused, "that boy driving saved you. If he would've pulled back into the lane you were supposed to be in, you would've taken most of the impact. Instead he pulled farther into the wrong lane until he got the worst of it."
I tried to process that in my head. Maybe it was the grief or the concussion but it was slow going.
"Is he dead?" I asked shakily.
"Yes. He died immediately after impact." The doctor said.
"How... How can this have happened? This is my fault. I wish I was the one dead. It's all my fault!" I sobbed. The movement hurt my body severely, but that pain was much easier dealt with.
"Ang it is not your fault." My mom reassured me.
"Mom, you don't understand! While he was driving, we got into a fight, I-" I choked up, "he was just trying to help, the last thing I said to him, I called him a jerk. That upset him, so he turned to look at me, it's my fault he swerved into the other lane!" The hysteria was rising as I spoke. The meaning of his death fully sinking in.
"WHY HIM!" I screamed. My parents reached out, wanting to hug me or at least stroke my hair, but with all my injuries they couldn't do that without hurting me. They choked back tears and tried to murmur comforting words, but I was way past hearing them.

Aaron was the other half of me, the better half of me. We told each other everything, we grew up together. He never let anyone bully me or treat me badly. Aaron knew me better than anyone. He was always there when I needed him, but when he needed me I had failed him. I had cost him his life.

Now here I was battered up and bruised on the outside with scars and broken bones. I would prefer to break every bone in my body, compared to loosing him like this.
My heart shattered with grief and guilt into tiny fragments, much too little to even begin to piece back together.
"God please, I never got to tell him goodbye!" I finally couldn't contain my screams. I was again sedated.