If He Had Been With Me

Chapt 6

For me, time was not measurable. All I knew was that every second on this Earth without Aaron, was a second too long. For the next several weeks, or so I was drugged repeatedly, waking up briefly to again be hit with the flood of guilt and anguish which started the hysteria, bringing another round of sedatives. I refused to drink or eat so they had to keep me hydrated through an IV.

Eventually that drug induced dreamland was over. My wounds healed enough to be taken home. My mom took off work to be home with me because I couldn't even walk yet, and she didn't trust my emotional state.

Not eating for two weeks had taken it toll. I was already naturally thin, but now I was just skeletal.

"Honey? Jake and Anne are here." My mom said softly. That was Aaron's parents. The three of them walked in. Anne had dramatically lost weight and her eyes were beyond puffy and bloodshot. However bad it was for me, it was worse for them besides the fact that they didn't watch him die and they didn't feel responsible. Anne sat on my makeshift bed.

"Angelina, please know it's not your fault." Anne pleaded. But I wasn't really hearing what she was saying. The mention of Aaron's name sent a stabbing pain in my heart. I looked at Anne's blue eyes and I thought of him. He had the same dazzling blue eyes, that seemed to look into your soul.

I didn't even realize I was crying until she wiped away my tears. She was also bawling.

"Be strong for him." She said.

"It's my fault," I barely whispered, "I wasn't there for him. He needed me. I failed him."

"He would forgive you." Jake said quietly.

"But I won't forgive myself."

I hadn't talked this much in a month. My throat felt dry and I could barely see through my tears. Looking into Anne's blue eyes I lost it. I had a screaming and crying fit again unable to control myself. I was vaguely were of someone gently embracing me. Life was a dark, starless night since the car crash.

"I'm taking you too a therapist!" My mom threatened. It was nearly two months after the accident and I barely got up to go to the bathroom. I was scarily underweight and I had permanent dark circles etched under my eyes.

My mom still couldn't go back to work in worry of me. The house was going uncleaned, and she had abandoned her job. My dad was working long hours to still keep the family afloat and pay off the medical bills.

"You need to try to start living again!" She begged me. I just stared unresponsively at her.

"You need to eat your meals! You need to brush your teeth! You need to live life again! We all miss him honey."

"Not like I do mom." I said. I couldn't go an hour without crying these days. "Please show me improvement! I don't want to send you somewhere!" my mom pleaded.

"Okay! Fine!" I growled. I struggled to get up. I finally got on my crutches and hobbled away. I slammed the door shut to my room. It looked just as it had a month ago. I had been staying downstairs in the guest room. I limped toward my dresser where there was a little piece of paper. It said:

Dear Ang,

I'm lucky to have the chance to be going to the dance with an amazing girl like you. You're my best friend and one of the best people I've ever met. I hope you had as fun as I did at the dance! I want to make you forget Corey ever hurt you in the first place. I'm lucky to be a friend to a beautiful girl like you. Will you be my girlfriend? Turn around.

Love,
Aaron

My crutch fell to the floor with a loud crash. I didn't even realize I had fell with it until my mom raced upstairs.

"Where does it hurt?" She asked because I was crying. Then she noticed the note. She read it and tears filled her eyes.

"Oh my god." She held me as I sobbed uncontrollably.