1. This is for always being a failure. Were you ever productive? You're always on your fucking phone. And here I thought you'd actually grow up with priorities. I had thought you'd be organized, smarter, with plans. What the fuck are you exactly doing with your life? You just didn't fucking tried enough. You're wasting your life. You'll be nothing.
2. This is for always being a disappointment. You used to be so sweet and thoughtful. Actually I still am, oh you know what, nevermind. Not anymore. You used to be an achiever. You used to be more.. active. You used to be prettier, you used to be better than her. But you were good in Math then, right? You used to not care. You used to study instead of using your phone. You used to help around the house more. You used to be better than what you are now.
3. This is for frustration. You get easily frustrated. It's really simple, what's wrong with you? Lol, it's not even that complicated. You're overreacting. It wasn't even that much of a stressful situation.
4. This is for being so fucking weak. When are you going to be strong enough to take those criticisms? When are you going to be strong enough to take pinches, punches, slaps? When will you learn how to endure the pain other people give you without adding more from yourself?
5. This is for being so fucking naive, and dumb, and stupid. When the hell will you learn not to trust him/her again? What, you don't know that? No! You're wrong. The laughs are ringing in my ears as I type, fuck. You believed me so quickly. I've heard this too many times I'm sick of it. I'm tired of explaining that I believed you because I trusted you. What are you on about? What are you saying? You don't even make sense! I actually expected you to know that already. I knew I should have done what I hadn't, shouldn't have what I had, stop regretting what I can't take back. But oh well, I still do. I still did.
6. This is for not feeling the right things towards the right people. I knew I should have stayed away. I wish I loved you instead of him.
7. This is for caring too much while they can't even give a shit less for you. Who the fuck cares?
8. This is for letting people walk all over you. I'm so fucking sick of them stabbing me in the back. I'm sick of them laughing at me, me as a topic of their conversation when I'm not around. I'm tired of letting them take what they want even when I don't want to give it. I'm tired of them calling me names and making me a joke and saying offensive things but hey, it was just a joke. Don't get all hurt. We're having fun. I'm tired of people never listening to me, of them doing what they want to me because oh well, that girl never fights back.
9. This is for never learning how to stand up for yourself. Many years of existence and emotional torture, I would have hoped you'd learn how to say no when you don't want to, or bite when they slap you. You didn't. I still don't know what to tell them when they tease me that I'm a pole, a stick or my skin color is mud, I still don't know what to say back when they shout at my face that my parents don't love me, or the guys I liked never liked me back. I didn't know what to say whenever they tell me they confuse my back to my front. I still haven't learn what to do whenever they step on my insecurities, or when they're full on offending me, until now I still let them. And I am so fucking sick because when am I ever going to learn?
10. This is for never speaking up. They've ruined so many good things for you. They've crushed your happiness just because it didn't meet their standards. And your mind whirls of things that you can say back, a lot of comebacks and reasons pop up in your head, and you could have used them to defend yourself, you could have defended yourself, you could have hurt them the way they hurt you, you got a smart comeback, tell him he's fucking ugly and has nl right to tell you that you are not pretty. Tell him your skin has always been better than his and he should've ashamed that he's teasing you about your skin color. Tell her your body is better than her and she shouldn't be calling you a wall. Tell her she's not so smart to look you down and she should realize that. Tell them you love what you do. Tell them you're sick of them never appreciating you. Tell them they did wrong things to you. Tell them you don't care if they think you're the worse person ever as long as you think you're good enough. Tell them to fuck themselves. Tell them they're hypocritical motherfuckers and you're sick of their double standards. Tell them to shut the hell up. Open your mouth, let the words out, stop thinking of the consequences you can face them! Tell them exactly what you mean and stand up for your fucking self because hell no one else would.
-What are you doing to yourself?
