Last Saturday my little cousins had come over after attending a baptism with my parents and I. The older one, with seven years on Earth under her belt, is a firecracker and a bit of a non-conformist; she plays football- the European one,- loves playing with car toys, favours Math and is anything but the gentle and fragile image of a woman.
So, imagine my shock when, while watching TV with her, she pointed at a male sixteen-year-old ballet dancer who was absolutely awe-inspiring and said, "he's stupid. Is he really a boy? Only girls can do ballet."
For a few seconds I stood there, frozen, wondering why would my little cousin, a kid I used to deem as disregarding towards gender roles, spewed such non-sense. Then, as my initial shock was subsiding, my muscles spurred into action before my brain had fully awaken, yet. I reacted in the most anti-pedagogical way I could have possibly chosen. I slapped her.
Right away, I realized it wasn't the most logical decision, so I changed my tactics, but I could already feel her closing in on herself. I asked her where she heard it from. It turned out that no-one had told her something like that, but nobody had showed something to debunk this statement beforehand.
That was when I realized that children are way more observant than we give them credit for. Nobody needed to blatantly tell her a sexist statement, all she had to do was see the binds society has forced upon people.
These notions are adopted by children at a young age and are internalized subconsciously. It's frustrating seeing how many people are willing to bat an eye towards this, hearing them say, "they're just kids. Calm down!"
That's exactly the point. Children go to school at a young age because this is the time their memory is at their best. The younger you are, the easier it is for you to learn. You have to be careful about your children's influences when they're young. Nowadays, I only see parents censoring swearing and sex which, in turn, will only make them all the more attractive to them.
Show your kid a movie with a boy doing ballet or a girl that wants to become a football player. Buy them picture books with people of all colours and shapes in them. Tell them that not all people go to church on Sundays, that they have other religious beliefs. When you take them to a toy store, don't guide them to the "correct gender aisle." Tell them that they can choose toys from both aisles. Encourage them to join an uncommon extracurricular.
Show your kids the right thing instead of just censoring the "bad things" as you so much love calling everything explicit and/ or negative when you're talking to them about it.
Of course, a lot of parents don't have the economical ability or choose not to do all the aforementioned. That's alright; my parents couldn't either most of the time, but they never told me when I picked up a car toy at the supermarket that it isn't for girls. I was told that we couldn't afford it, yet.
When I played football at my neighbourhood with the kids, they didn't tell me to hang out with girls. They congratulated me whenever I achieved a milestone because they were happy that I was happy. Whenever I told them I scored a lot of goals, they reflected my own joy. My parents only chastised me if I was rude, violent, failed to complete my scholar responsibilities or lied to them.
Maybe something else that helped me see the atrocious nature of gender roles was that my mum was- and is- the real money-maker of the family; the one who kept- and still keeps- the house from falling apart. She paid rent, she took me wherever I had to be, she was the one doing the more physically difficult job and she was the more emotionally stable out of my parents.
All in all, I never really identified my dad with the figure of stability and leadership fathers were supposed to be. I saw ideal role models being represented. I saw my friends' parents who sometimes worked differently from mine- which was more than fine, because I learnt equality and not supremacy.
When you decide to write a story people will see, you don't get to be lazy about it, because, even if the main character is fully privileged and follows social norms, you have to pour blood, sweat and tears into it in order for it to come out looking decent.
Same goes with having a child. You can't say, "this will take too much time to teach my child, so I won't ever do it." When you have voluntarily chosen the responsibility to bring a child to life and raise it you don't get not to dedicate your heart and soul to that child. It's not their fault for being born and they shouldn't pay for what you did. You had a choice, now grow up. Help your child become a better person. Show them the representation or help them be the representation you're seeking, but are unable to find.
To every older sibling reading this; I know younger siblings/ family members can be a handful. I know it isn't your duty to educate them, but you can just show them faces that are unusual to spot in certain areas, leading to prejudice and senseless negativity.
Try to get them to maybe see a video clip starring Asian people who we only seem to remember only when we eat their food. Tell them stories about people breaking down society's ways, like a black woman who succeeds in becoming a doctor; younger siblings admire you most of the time and trust your word.
As a teacher, you can show them everything. Younger kids eat everything their teachers say up. They're more likely to listen to you when they're seven and are far from entering teenage years.
Show them. Do something. Don't just frown and say "we need to change this." Be the solution to this problem.
To all you young artists out there, next time you want to write/ paint/ shoot/ sculpt/ etcetera something about a ballerina change the gender. You may say, "hey this is my story, I can do whatever I want." Well, think of how what you do influences other people. Be careful of what you put out into the world.
To everybody else, promote this exact kind of work. Search for it. Don't just eat up everything the mainstream pop culture gives you. Spread that positivity. Work towards a better world. An act as small as sharing that unconventional art piece on social media can go a long way. Be the change you want to see.
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AN: I sent this to a magazine and they never replied to me, so here you go.
