♛ City Of Lost Wishes ♕ Malec ♛

16) ''He?''

~M~

I stared at the door as if it were Alec. I still hadn't registered the situation in its entirety. It still hadn't settled in. Oh god, what had I done? What had I done!? I panicked, my shaky hands running through my hair over and over until the strands were almost falling out. I had achieved my goal. Alec had broken up with me.

I had never felt worse in my entire life.

Why in hell had I wanted that again? Seeing him made it all rush back, all those feelings, all those feelings that I had found in simply a few weeks of knowing him. No, I was right. A relationship that fast would never last. Or would it? Would it?! Panic flooded back. For once in my life, I regretted my decision because for once in my life, I knew this would be irreversible. In my centuries of living, I had made plenty of mistakes but that was inevitable. But, all were either reversible or at least for the greater good. I didn't think I could find any good in this.

I think that was the first person to dump me.

I had broken hearts, had mine broken but never, ever had someone come up to me and said it's over. Mutual breakups or simply running away. Never had I had the fate of someone telling me to my face.

I didn't think my heart could break into any more pieces.

I paced the floor, back and forth- over and over. Continuing until my legs ached as much as my mind. I ruined everything became the mantra of my mind, the script of my soul. With each repetition, I believed it more: a propaganda that even tricks the government.

When night fell and I found myself on my bed, unsure of how I had reached there in the hours of mindless, endless brooding. When centuries pass, hours can feel like minutes. Now, never had time felt so drawn out.

I sighed, a hand finding its way through my hair again. I tried to let the memories flood back. I was the man that everybody loved. I was the glitter loving, warm hearted warlock who even helped shadowhunters, right?

Everybody loved me. Right?

My narcissism seemed falser than ever. I didn't care, though, as I lay on my bed and thought of the past moments I loved. Whether or not they involved Alec, I didn't care. I focused on the good, the moments that made me smile and the more I thought of it, God, there were many of them.

My life had been filled with misery just as much as it had been filled with happiness. And, if my sorrows could write a novel then so could my smiles. So, with that on my mind, I tried to let myself sleep. At least I knew that heartbreak ended and maybe tomorrow, I would feel just that slightly bit better and that smile would return.

Even if right now I would love to do nothing more than cry. I knew if I did that, though, I had given up hope for something better- hope was the one thing I could never give up.

~A~

'Alec, sweetie, please open the door.' My mother's sweet voice spoke through the door, her voice muffled by the solid wood between us. I almost scoffed. Her voice was sickly, disdainful and fake. I could tell, now, after his nineteen years of living that my mother only sounded like this when she wanted something from me or if she had to play out a mission for the Clave.

My hands trembled as I shakily wiped away my tears and ignored my mother's incessant knocking. I didn't want to talk. Not to her. Not to him. Not to anyone. I didn't think I could talk. The words would stick in my throat, my tears would be prominent and my blotchy skin unable to be hidden.

I was a mess. All because of the bastard I hoped was my boyfriend. I couldn't tell now. I couldn't trust him now. He was as fake as my mother. The one who wouldn't stop knocking. 'Alec, please, let me in. We're worried about you. Izzy and Jace especially.' I wanted to scoff again but I couldn't, not when she spoke about Izzy and Jace. I knew I was hurting them by locking myself away but then again if I didn't, I didn't think they would be any happier. If anything, everything would be worse.

But, at the mention of their name, the door was unlocked and open and there stood my mother in all her pride and me, there, with scruffy hair, blotchy eyes and scratched skin.

'Alec, my poor boy. What happened?' She asked, running her hands across my shoulders and down my arms reassuringly. But it wasn't. It was like she was examining me. The frail touch was careful. The worried eyes were sharp and watched over me like a hawk. The kind words were nothing but a ploy to reel me in.

So, I remained stoic, despite the new tears brimming my eyes. I blinked them away gently, trying not to raise a problem. My mother had already seen it, though, and within seconds I had been pushed onto my desk chair, my mum taking a place on my bed and the interrogation had begun.

'Alec, you need to tell me what's happening. I hate seeing you like this.' More lies. Definitely more lies. My convincing seemed as fake as I had once found her words.

'Alec, please.' She begged, trying to catch my gaze, never quite managing it.

'I broke up with someone.' I breathed, my voice shaky, croaking due to the lack of nutrition in the last few days.

'Oh. Wow.' Should have known that look, surprise. Of course, she was surprised, she didn't know I even had the capacity for a relationship. If anything, she thought I would live a life alone and dedicate myself to being a shadowhunter, maybe even a silent brother.

'Who was it?' The dreaded question. Who? I couldn't say who. I couldn't say their gender or their name or their position or their race. All would be frowned upon.

'It doesn't matter.' I murmured, leaning back in the chair, closing my eyes and sighing.

'It does matter, Alec. I want to know who did this.' She insisted, her voice adding weight to my shoulders. But, I already had too much weight there. And, within seconds, I had broken. I had lost control of what I said. I didn't care anymore. I didn't think it could get any worse.

'He doesn't matter anymore, mum. Leave it alone.' I insisted. A pause. A heavy pause. Nothing was said for minutes. I didn't understand. Nothing made sense.

And then, it all came crashing down.

'He?' 

word count: 1118

published: 26.06.17