tell me if you truly hate me

what happened the other night

he asked me why i was avoiding him and i told him its because he broke my fucking heart and i just tried to get over myself and i said i wanted a hug so he came out and he hugged me close when max was asleep and i was just on my phone but he pulled off quickly and we kinda sat there and then i just felt so much worse and i wamted to cry and sleep but the thought took too much energy and i talked to him and acted okay, but i really wasnt and he came back out at like 4am and he hugged me and we stayed like that and he made a couple jokes and when i tried to pull off to tell him to go to bed, he just kept hugging me from the side and i turned my face away and tried not to cry because holy shit he was right there and he doesnt like me and then i did cry and i spilled everything and told him how bad it hurt and he pulled me against his chest and i just cried and cried and cried and held onto him and when i felt his heart beating really fast i looked up and saw that he started crying too and i knew that we both hurt and we cried together and i was soft(tm) and we faced each other and he held my hand and i kissed his head a bunch and told him stories about how i grew up in ohio and how different it is and we stayed like that for an hour and he told me that he was just scared because i got fucked over and made a sarcastic comment i shouldnt have and he didnt know i didnt mean it and for the first time, we were bith scared and i decided id love him until i die, even if its that which kills me and i told him that id support whatever choice he makes and we jut kinda cuddled and max woke up and was like wtf yall bein gay and shit and we laughed and cried and it was crazy and i want to write stories and i want to write my story with him in it just kill me and i hope you know that no one is ever aline and just i know how people think and you arent.