tell me if you truly hate me

4:40AM

im crying and i cant tell if its from sadness or happiness but i do know its a mixture of both thats numbing me. im going back through old snapchat memories and august is in most all of them and im just like aha yeah fucking kill me.
i know shit about him like how his 3 favorite pizza toppings are sausage, olives, and mushroom and how he loves musicals and basically amy dhow with singing in it and how i never say his favorite color out loud cause id probably sound like a diddly dumbass and i wrote him a oneshot of his oc x an anime character and like
he
cried??
like he was that moved by it? and it made me freak out cause the only time ive seen him cry is when i cried and he held me and im just numb because if i ran away from this town and these people amd left it all behind and was fially able to breathe again, i know id try to kill all feelings off. because they suck man. they really, really do and i just want this all to end somehow or just some way . 200.