Tooth, the Whole Tooth and Nothing but the Tooth

4: Call Again... Not!

"I'll be about twenty minutes," I told Beryl.

"I'll be here," she answered.

I headed straight for the supermarket. I wasn't sure of exactly what I was looking for, but I assumed they would sell it, or at least direct me to somewhere that would. It took me ten minutes just to find the right aisle in the supermarket, it not occurring to me to ask. There were numerous products, each proclaiming their superior abilities in the denture fixing field. I narrowed it down to two that seemed, to my totally ignorant eye, to be the best for the job. After a brief game of 'Eeny-meeny-miny-mo', I grabbed another three tubes of the winner (thinking more of Beryl's physical size than the tooth) and went to pay for them.

Once out of the supermarket, I made it home in record time. Beryl was still sitting where I had left her, although she had managed to find the remote control to the television, and was, quite happily, surfing through the channels.

"Here we are," I said, showing her the tubes.

"Finally," she whispered. "It's only taken me over two million years. I might be able to have a normal meal now."

"Here goes," I said, picking up the tooth.

Beryl opened her mouth. I broke the seal one of the tubes, and, after a very deep breath, stuck my hands inside. The 'operation' took all of ten seconds. A liberal squirt of gunk, and a firm push of the tooth, and it was done.

"There you go," I said, drying my hands.

Beryl spent a couple of minutes probing her tooth with her tongue, and snapping her jaws together.

"That feels wonderful," she said, blissfully. "I don't suppose you've something I can test it on?"

The only thing I could think of was a cucumber in the fridge. It was big, and it was firm enough to test the tooth. I retrieved it from the salad crisper (I always wondered why a simple drawer in the bottom of the fridge was given a special name), and handed it over. She took it in her trunk, and put it straight into her mouth. She bit down. There was a soft crunching noise as the cucumber was bitten in two. Beryl swallowed.

"I don't know how to thank you. You're a life saver," she said, shaking my hand with her trunk a little too energetically.

"You're quite welcome," I said, when I had managed to pull my hand away.

"Do you mind if I hang around until tonight?" she asked. "I'd rather not be seen out during the day."

"Of course not. Where are you going to go?"

"I might go home. I miss the old place, if it's still there. You humans have a habit of, er..., settling in, shall we say?"

I knew what she meant.

"O.K. then," I agreed. A flash of inspiration hit me. "Would you like me to make up a flask of tea for you?"

"That's nice of you to offer, but I don't seem to have any pockets or anything to put it in."

Doh! "Oh, yes," I apologised. "Never mind."

We spent the rest of the day watching the television. I discovered that Beryl had similar tastes to my own - cartoons. We sat there flicking between the various satellite children's channels. Her favourites seemed to be the Flintstones (I wonder why), and Bugs Bunny (which I could identify with).

After numerous cups of tea, and endless splats and cracks and crashes from the television, Beryl announced that it was time for her to leave.

"Thanks again for all you've done," she said, wrapping her trunk around my shoulders.

"That's O.K." I said. "Come back any time."

"I might just do that," she promised. With that, she disappeared into the night.

I sometimes think that it was all a dream really, but if that was the case, then I don't remember waking up, and the dream has been a bit mundane recently, and dreams are not, as I recall, mundane. Besides, I've dreamt since, and I don't think you can dream within a dream.

Perhaps, though, on reflection, it would be better if I was still dreaming. You see, I was given this tooth for my birthday. It's a bit bigger than Beryl's. It's flat with a serrated edge. The card that came with it said it's from a Charcarodon Megalodon from the Miocene era.

I looked it up.

That's shark to you and me...