Diary of a Band Whore | Got7 (Discontinued)

01

Tears stained the pillow as he forced himself onto my fragile body. He would do this every night; come home drunk, stumble into my bedroom. I hid under the blankets, attempting to go unnoticed but he wasn't that stupid. He'd rip the blanket off my body, I shiver at the sudden coldness but not for long; he'd put all his weight on me, pinning me down as he whispers in my ear "this is all you'll ever be good for, being a whore. No guy will ever love you, you're worthless". My eyes were shut tight to the point of hurting but nothing could compare to the pain he made me feel.

I sprung up from my slumber, tears streaming down my face as old memories start flooding back to me. Sleepless nights were common for me; I often had nightmares of my father. He was a wonderful father until the day my mother left when I was 15, leaving me and my younger sister Daeni, who was only 11, with our father. That day changed everything. He starting drinking every night to numb the pain, my old father slowly fading away with every drop he took. But one night, he staggered into my room. He done things a father should never do to his daughter, he said things that can truly mess up one's mind. From the night on, I swore the day I turned 18, I was moving out, taking my sister and I far away from him.

"Maysa!" my sister yelled from downstairs "Can you please make me food?"

Sighing, I sling my legs over the side of my bed and slowly make my way towards the kitchen, ruffling my sister's hair as I pass her. Turning on the oven burner, I prepare to make some pancakes for Daeni.

"Do you know what today is?" Daeni looked up, waiting for my reply.

"The day you finally learn to cook?" I joke, handing her a plate full of pancakes.

"No Sa! It's my birthday. I'm finally 18" she replies as she drowns her pancakes in maple syrup.

"We should go to the new club opening up nearby, perfect way to celebrate your 18th!"

She looked up in excitement and nodded, unable to talk due to a mouth full of pancakes. I chuckle at her as I got up, walking down the hall towards the bathroom. Hints of the flashbacks still fresh in my mind; showering always helped it all go away. Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, I slowly strip out of my pajamas, pouting at the slightly faded but permanent scars that cover my thighs. Sighing, I turn the shower on, stepping in afterwards. Letting the hot water hit my body, I slip into my thoughts.

"My father was right, nobody will love me. How could anyone love someone so broken, someone who would only ever be good as a whore?" I whisper to myself as I sit on the shower floor, cradling my legs to my chest as tears start to fall, mixing in with the water sprinkling down on my body.

After crying out my feelings for awhile, I slowly stand up, grabbing my favorite lotus flower body wash, and washing my body. Then I squeeze some shampoo onto my head, softly massaging it into my scalp and rinsing it out, continuing with conditioner.

After 20 minutes of washing myself, I decide to get out and prepare for tonight. Pulling away the curtains, I carefully get out and grab a towel wrapping it around my body; making my way out of the bathroom, I walk down the hall towards my bedroom. I plug my phone into my speaker and turn my music on shuffle, first song coming on "Confession Song" by Got7. Humming along, I start blow drying my lavender colored hair, letting my natural waves flow. Digging through my dresser, I pull out a pair of black leggings, and white blouse, along with a simple grey cardigan. After getting dressed, I do a natural makeup style. Looking in the mirror, I smile at myself actually feeling mildly confident in myself for once.