breathe. [l.h]

1.

The depiction of beauty varies from person to person, as they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But he is something else, an angel that god himself took centuries to perfect. The beauty of such creature is breathtaking and unreal, this guy, boy, no man is so beautiful he makes me stop breathing. I don't care what anyone else says, because he is the definition of beauty.

I long for the feeling of his skin against mine, to feel his hot breathe against my neck sending chills all over my body as we lay in bed. His plump lips curving into a smile as he sees me walk in, eyes shining bright as he watches me dance staring in awe thinking 'how can I be lucky enough to be in love with her.'

I want to make him feel nervous when he sees me, I want to be the only woman he looks at. I wish for his heart to beat as fast as mine does when he speaks and touches me, for him to think my lips are sweet like cherries and as addictive as cocaine.

The high he gives me is indescribable, it's the kind of high that makes you feel like you're flying. You feel so free and loved, like you are the only woman in this world and your body is a temple built by gods that should be looked at like a Picasso painting. It gives you this giddy feeling, pure bliss flowing through your blood. It's the kind of high that you never want to let go of, it's addictive and dangerous.

It's all too good, the high, his body presses against mine whispering sweet nothings into my ear like he means it, body rubbing against the velvet sheets soft and delicate. Hands roaming everywhere holding me close. Lips attached to my skin, biting down every so often marking my body like it belongs to him. Groans escaping his lips every few seconds encouraging me to keep letting him use my body just a few moments longer to make him feel better. Eyes roaming all over the place, looking at my body as if it's the only body he wants.

But, the next morning when I'm alone in the bed, the velvet sheets no longer feel soft and delicate instead they feel heavy and disgusting. My body misses his hands holding me close to him, chest to chest, thigh to thigh, belly to belly. My body feels used, like a dump in which he leaves his aura and sexual desires inside of, making sure to only show affection when I give him something in return. Marks on my body no longer beautiful but instead a dirty reminder of him, the sweet nothings he said being repeated in my head making me shed tears for believing he means them.

The high is no longer there, I don't feel like I'm free and loved, my body is no longer a temple built by the gods. Instead it's an old forgotten castle left to rot in the woods for someone to find when it's no longer beautiful enough to be loved. The bliss is long gone and now I'm left with a messy room a disgusting body marked by him and a broken heart that I deserve for being stupid and opening my legs when he asks as if it was as simple as opening your arms to embrace the one you love.

He always says he loves my legs, he loves how soft they were how easily he could make them shake, he found them "beautiful" he says, but I know he only loves them because of how easy I open them for him. The way I let his body rest between them giving him what he wants until he's bored and tired and decides he no longer needs me.

It's so clear he doesn't love me, but I love him and that's what's so fucked up. How can I love a man who hurts me, how can I love a man who is in love with another woman. A beautiful woman, completely opposite of me, her jet black hair is long and beautiful, he loves that about her. Her body sculpted by the finest artist, her body is adored by everyone looked upon as art and nothing less. Her face lovely and sharp, nobody can deny that its beauty what she possesses. Her voice sweet complementing what she says, she's so polite and sweet it's unreal.

Manners impecable, she doesn't drink, smoke, or do drugs, legs always crossed, body covered just enough not showing too much to "tempt" a man as she says. A beautiful diamond necklace adoring her long tan neck shining as the smallest amount of light hits it. Smile so beautiful Cupid himself would fall in love with it, eyes green and bright showing kindness making others feel at home when they look at them.

God she's so fucking perfect, so opposite of me and he loves her. He loves her with all of his heart he says "she's too good for him". He uses me to prove he doesn't deserve her I know, he wants to prove that he deserves something like me, generic and used, not a beautiful perfect wife. It hurts so much, my heart is broken into millions of pieces that pretty soon it'll become dust and the wind will take it away making the pain go away and setting me free from this world.

The pain is worth it though, if I close my legs and say no, if I let my heart stop feeling the pain he will leave me and find another woman to open up. That would break me more than anything else, I want him close to me, I want for him to love me. I want to be her so bad, I know I can't but I can fool myself. I'll fool myself a million times saying that he'll leave her for me, that tomorrow morning I'll wake up in his arms, hot breath against my neck arms holding me close protecting me from the world. I'll fool myself until my mind and body give out if it means that his mine for the night, that he chose me tonight to be inside of and not her.