Emails: From You To Me

5

For a while we only looked at the sky ahead, the stars twinkling in our eyes. Eventually, Matthew stretched and suggested we go back home. It was only a Friday night of our senior year of high school, two friends watching stars. Friends?

Were Matthew and I even friends?

"Of course naturally he said partner and buddies, but wasn't it all just for the project? I mean he did take me to this amazing, Jesus people have me so confused." And it was only after I said that out loud that I realized he was listening to me.

"Excuse me?" He chuckled.

"N-nothing." I froze, embarrassment hit me so hard it felt like I was paralyzed.

"Are you just going to stand there? You'll freeze, and my car can handle a little dampness." He watched me until I sat back in the car.

Once the ride started, it was quiet. The most quiet it has been ever since I've ever talked to him, it made me nervous. Did what I say bother him? Do I annoy him? I panicked until I recognized streets that were familiar, we were coming to the end of this day. Once this day ends, would we ever talk again?

"Can I tell you a secret?" Matthew asked stopping at the red light.

"Huh? Y-yeah, yeah." I looked over to him, he seemed extremely focused.

"Ever since I've been a kid, I wanted to open a sandwich shop. I'm not really sure why, but the idea of it always fascinated me. It's sounds lame I bet." Matthew kept his face straightforward.

"R-really?" It went quiet again, once we reached my house I stopped before he drove away. "Those sandwiches you made were the best I've ever had." I hope I didn't sound weird.

I waited for him to say something, he only looked speechless for a moment. A smile crept on his face, then disappeared, and then he began to laugh. I've never seen someone so relaxed and truly happy while laughing like this before, it was only ever him.

"You're a weird guy I'll admit, but you're real cool with me." His smile somewhat dazzled me as he drove away from my home.

My mother's car wasn't there which meant she was at work, she probably didn't even know I wasn't in school all day. I'm sure no one else in school realized I was gone either. With the type of person that I am, I'm sure no one would notice if I disappeared. It was then with those thoughts, as I opened the computer, and email from Matthew was there waiting.

Hey Captain Sandwich God, meet me at the local orphanage at 10am. I got us time for the senior project, it's Shining Star for Children. Sound coll? Don't let a sould know but I'm prtty excited! See you there?

I laughed at his typos, he must have stopped traffic just to type that. He must have typed really fast to send that to me. Another ring came in.

Oops lol, can't spell I guess. Cool** Soul** Pretty** My thumbs suck

I knew what he meant even without the spell check, so I laughed a bit longer.

Sounds great. I'll meet you there.

I looked up the directions and it was relatively close to my home, it'd be a nice walk. I've never been to an orphanage before, a health center, a hospice, and a nursing home, but never an orphanage. I think it'll be easier to talk to kids since they are further in age from me, maybe I'm just a child person.

Or so I thought...

"Commander Comely Coward, you doing alright?" He asked me the next morning before we walked into the orphanage.

"I-I'm doing just- just fine." I shook, I had no idea we were speaking to almost thirty kids. I don't even know thirty people! How could I speak to thirty kids?!

"Come on, come on." He tried to get me in the right mind, but anxiety got the best of me. My whole body trembled and I felt so dizzy I might've fallen out.

"N-No. I'm o-okay." I'm not okay.

"Henri!" Matthew yelling my name caught my attention. "Come on, you'll be fine. Just look at me and relax." My eyesight went all around. "Look at me and relax." I focused on his brown eyes and my nerves relaxed.

I could breathe and I wasn't shaking as badly. Though I was still nervous ,I felt a bit more confident about our position. He let me go and we walked in, naturally we were welcomed with faces in awe and huge silly smiles. It wasn't that bad, especially now that my anxiety died down.

It was all Matthew too, he knew exactly how to calm me down. But how did he know such a method would work?

"I'm Matthew Grayson." He introduced himself.

"I'm Henri Wattson." I spoke as if I was talking to Matthew, it was suddenly smoother than if I were talking to anyone else.

In the midst of Matthew explaining our senior project a child blurted out, "Are you guys a couple?" Which immediately made both of us laugh, to the children's surprise.

"Um no. Not at all. I'm male, he's male. We're just good friends, right?" I said, it caught me off-guard which made the uneasiness crawl right back at me.

After a while of the staff explaining, loud "Oh's" came from the children. Was it really that confusing to them? Was it hot in here or was it just me? Neither of us were, or should have been, mistakenly female so where did the couple question come from anyway?

"I'm going to get fresh air." The longer I thought about it, the more jitters I had.

"Okay. I'll come too if you need."

"N-no I'm okay." I wasn't okay I felt sick.

Running to the outside, I sat on the sidewalk and buried my head in my knees. I breathed in and out heavily, I couldn't do this. Just one little off question and I'm outside feeling pathetic. What was really wrong with me? How could I even convince someone I didn't need mental help, if I couldn't understand why myself. My stomach churned and I cried lightly, feeling the tears pour from my eyes I quickly wiped them and stood up. Only one question suddenly became all of my worries.

How does Matthew feel and what is he thinking?