1: Starting from the end of the story

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*present time*

I was standing still, I finished my solo. I could feel my lungs aching for air as I was standing in pose. My feet were sore, and my back was hurting from all the tricks throughout the solo. I looked out into the audience, seeing Viktor and Yuuri clapping and starting to cry. Yuri's grandfather clapping from the front row. All of our friends clapping. My stepmother and father holding hands while smiling, and the one empty seat left for someone. Oh, how I wish it was different. I wish that seat was filled.

He's changed me in so many ways. I wish I could thank him even more, jump off the stage and run to him if he was in that seat. I felt something slide down my face. More tears started to drop down my face. I don't know what I did wrong, or when we went wrong. He seemed happy, but maybe that was only in my eyes. I thought that we could handle everything; he said it was us against the world. I walked off the stage, dragging my feet with me. I felt like I wasn't there, but my body was. When I was with him I felt like I could conquer the world; as if I did have hope still inside of me. Even if he isn't next to me, I could still feel his presence: cold but warm.

    I'm still in shock that he didn't tell any of us what was going on, or there was something wrong. I'm not as shocked he didn't tell me since I've known him for a shorter time, but I thought he would at least tell someone from our group like Victor or Yuuri. At the same time I get why he wouldn't. He didn't want his friends to worry about him more than they already did after the accident. But what would've happened if he told us? Would this be the situation now? I wouldn't have to feel like I'm in perdition all the time, but that's how he felt everyday.

     I felt a light tap on my shoulder, and I slowly turned around to see Viktor smiling with Yuuri. Their faces were stained with tears, and they were holding hands. My favorite gay couple.

"Look, it's my favorite gay couple in the entire universe!" I squealed as so brought them into a group hug.

"You don't have to cover it up Serenity. I know you're hurting inside," Yuuri whispered to me as we were in the hug.

      Then I felt the tears slide slowly down my face again. Gosh darn it Yuuri, how did you know?

"How did you know I've been holding it in?" I asked.

"We've known you long enough to figure out when you're hiding something, plus we're all hiding something. We all are hurting," Viktor said as we got out of the hug.

"Anyways, how was the solo? Was it good from the audience?" I wondered hoping they didn't notice I was switching the topic.

"It was amazing! I don't know how you're more flexible than we are! There was so much emotion and feelings that Yuri would've been jealous if he was here to see it," Yuuri replied.

"It was really good, but Serenity did you try to switch the topic?" Viktor muttered unamused and not tricked.

"No, I didn't. I got to get changed and then go to awards to see what place I got. I'll catch you guys aft-" I mumbled trying to get out of the situation I was in.

"Serenity. Just pour out all your feelings now. You can't keep it in there forever, he wouldn't like that and you know it!" Viktor said harshly as he was probably done with my shit.

I took a deep breath, and made eye contact with Viktor and Yuuri. The others were coming towards here. Ugh, now I had to say it in front of everyone? They stood next to Viktor, and he nodded to me.

"Fine, I'll say it Viktor. I just want to go back in time. I didn't know everything was going to lead up to this, and maybe if I knew something was fishy or not right, and if I saw through his facade then maybe I could've stopped this from happening. Maybe I could've helped him out, and we all wouldn't be here balling our eyes out right now. I just want to re-live the memories and figure out all the clues and tiny bits that I didn't see. I was too blind to see anything because I was so caught up in the moment and happy. I just wish everything was the way it always was, I just wish time travel was existent so that this was possible I wish I didn't make all those silly mistakes, or said stupid shit I didn't even mean half the time. I was stupid and careless, and all of you probably think that," I cried.

By the end of the little rant I had, my face was covered in tears for the third time today. Everyone was just standing there with no emotion written on their faces. I felt as if I shouldn't have said anything. I probably hurt their feelings, or their probably mad at me.

Suddenly, I felt someone grab my hand. I looked to my right to see Sara right next to me. I could see the tears threatening to fall from her eyes, but she still smiled and clenched my hand. Someone else took my left hand, and it was Mila. She was full in sobbing, and I couldn't bear to hear it any longer. Then everyone started to join into what we were doing. We were in a circle holding hands.

"I'm proud of you. It's okay to let these things out because we feel the same. We aren't mad at you, we're one big group of outcasts here," Viktor stated as he looked at me.

"Yuri would've been proud of you if he was here too, Serenity. He would've wanted you to voice your opinion," Mila said, and everyone nodded in response.

Suddenly, a breeze past by behind our backs and towards the center of the circle. It felt like a presence was standing in the center.

"You know what, I think he's here right now. He's always been with us," Minami whispered.

"He definitely  wouldn't want us to give up everything right here, he would want us to keep our hopes up while moving on," Sara told me.

"I think we answered his question," I replied looking at my group of friends.

"What is that question?" Phichit asked.

"Something important that one day you'll all find out," I stated.

They only nodded, but I knew they were curious to know what I was talking about. We smiled at each other. The breeze disappeared.

"Guys, I think we should let go. We're hogging the whole wing and all the other dancers are looking at us like we're some cult," Mila laughed.

We laughed with her, then let go of our hands.

"I'll catch you guys after awards. Go back to your seats and watch the competition, I have to change and get ready for awards," I said as I started to walk away.

"We love you Serenity!" Guang yelled as I walked away.

I love you guys more than anything in the world.

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        Hey I hope you liked the first chapter of this story. This story is going to be extremely sad so be prepared. Also I'm leaving on Tuesday to the Philippines and I won't updated for around 2-3 weeks but if I have the chance then I will.

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