Chapter 5 by DIMITY!! =] =]
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Chapter 5
I landed with a soft thump on the green grass below my window. I started running, with the run I've got on me; no one would ever be able to catch me, except other full Reiners. I'm faster than wind.
I reached my destination within a few short minutes and searched the area. All clear.
I sat on the edge of the cliff, the same one from in my dream. A small brown mouse scattered along the ground and I jumped slightly, scared that it was a body coming to take me into the darkness. I know that's what I want, but I promised Rose i wouldn't, I promised I would stay light, for her. I didn't want to disappoint her.
I sat there staring out to the pitch black ocean, spread like a blanket in front of me. I liked it out here. It was calming and peaceful and nothing could stop me from thinking. It was the only place I had to think by myself, most of the time without interruptions.
Where I was at this particular moment, was our place. Axel and I used to come here for some time alone. We would just sit and talk for hours and we would always feel comfortable with each other.
I have never told Rose about this place. I didn't want her to stop me from coming here and I also didn't want her to know that I still have feelings for Axel, or that I truly miss him. I want him to be here with me, sitting next to me holding my hand, telling me everything will be OK, telling me how much he loves me and how he wouldn't know what he would do without me.
I loved Axel, I still do and I don't think anything will ever change that. He will be in my heart forever. If only he knew how much I had really loved him when he was alive. It killed me inside when Rose and I killed him. I didn't know how I did it, but somehow I did. I think maybe inside I knew deep down that it would be best for us if he was gone. Well it would be best for Rose, just maybe not the best for me, as I feel like I'm missing half of my heart. Like it's been torn into two separate pieces and when Axel died half of my heart did too. He took half with him and I kept the other half. I knew if I lost Rose too, my whole heart would then be gone and I couldn't afford to lose it all. I wouldn't know how I would cope. I honestly don't think I could cope with all that grief and loss.
Sometimes life just isn't fair though. We can't control what God wants for us and what God wants for others.
There was shuffling on the ground, it sounded like feet being dragged across the leafy cliff. I could feel their presence, but I couldn't feel who they were. I turned around slowly, fearing they would come and grab me, then try and strangle me. I saw nothing and no one. Just the dark forest that was located behind me. I searched the area again. Nothing.
Must have been my imagination. I thought quietly to myself. I turned back to look at the sea again, still feeling a presence but not seeing any presence. I felt a sort tap on my shoulder and glanced at the side from where the tap had come from. I gasped.
"Axel?" I was astonished, we had killed him right? Why was he sitting beside me?
"Yeah? I know you're wondering why I am sitting here, since you supposedly killed me. But in actual fact you did not kill me. You stabbed me in the heart with a stake and you thought that would be enough. It wasn't. I have been staying here at our place since you thought you had killed me. I didn't want to disturb you every time you came here. But I couldn't take it any longer I needed to hear your voice. I needed to hear you say that you love me, just one last time." I was stunned. I didn't know what to say. So the words that came from my mouth were a surprise to me.
"Why one last time? If you're alive still, I want to be with you forever. Axel I will love you forever you know that."
"I know you do, and I love you too. But you have chosen the light. I don't want to be some snobby jerk anymore. I want to settle down and start a family. I want to start a family with you, but I cannot." Why? Why can't he start a family with me? He knows that's what I want and he wants' it too, he just said so himself, so what is stopping him?
"Why can't you start a family with me? I love you Axel. Why can't we be together?" I knew he would realise my voice as hopeful. I could even hear it myself.
"Courtney, we can't be together because you have chosen light, that's how it works. Light and Dark cannot be together, only Dark and Dark or Light and Light. Not one of each." Axel explained this as carefully as he could, so I wouldn't misunderstand it.
"Axel, I have not chosen Light. I am neither. I am Light currently, but I haven't made my final choice. The only reason I am currently Light is because of Rose. I have always felt a pull towards being Dark and I want to be Dark, but I don't want to lose Rose. I don't want to lose either of you. Neither Rose nor you, Axel. I love you both and I want to have you both in my life forever. Forever and I really do mean it." I wonder if there was a way of being best friends with someone Light or if you had to be of the same nature.
"Well then, in that case. It could still be possible, but you would have to choose. You would have to choose between me and Rose. I'm sorry Courtney, but you can't keep both of us."
Why? Why me? Why did he have to choose me to turn? What is so good about me anyway? Sometimes I wish I was just normal. It would be so much easier.
"Oh man! How am I going to do this? OK, How long do I have?" Even I could tell I sounded hopeful and I knew he knew that I wanted quite a long time to decide.
"You have 6 months Courtney. Do you think that will be enough?" He asked, hoping I would choose him.
"It's going to have to be enough isn't it?" I said with a little bit of attitude. My temper was playing up again unfortunately. I hated when that happened. Most of the time it was out of my control.
"I guess it is. I'm sorry." He sounded so very sincere.
"Don't be." I said smiling at him.
"But I truly am." He replied.
"Well alright then. Well I better be getting back. Rose will probably be awake soon."
I looked over at the sun peeping over the edge, of the now, deep blue ocean.
"Yeah, I guess you should. If you want to, meet me here again at the same time tomorrow. I'll waiting." He smiled at me and gave me a hug, as we parted our different ways.
A few minutes later after a refreshing run, I arrived below my window sill and jumped up with little effort.
I scrambled quickly back into my bed and curled up in a ball, hoping Rose wouldn't notice that I was gone.
"Courtney..." Rose growled angrily.
Oh man. I was caught, what was I supposed to say to her now?
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