Buena Mano Book 1 (Unedited/Unrevised)

I'm O-Ok... Chapter 1 Lucy

Chapter 1: Lucy

"I did not want to be here. I did not want it to be this way. Crying over someone's unmoving body. Bloody, scarred, and looked like it was ravaged by beasts. I never expected HE would do this. I never expected that I would..."

"Hey lucy! Are you alright?" Jenna said breaking me from a trance.

"Yeah. I-I didn't have much sleep last night... Sorry for spacing out..." I looked out the window of our classroom. Birds were fluttering in the warm summer as the girls from our class are eating lunch. The school year was almost over and there was nothing left for us students to do but linger around and wait for the other students to finish their clearance forms.

Me and Jenna on the other hand finished rather early. In effect, we were only here to waste our time in a meaningless manner waiting for the prescribed school days to end, as the school instructed.

"So, anyway. There is going to be a graduation party at the end of school..." Jenna said. On and on she kept on yapping and trying to get on my good side. But clearly she pisses me off.

Like all the other students around me. They are just here to make my blood boil. They think that saying I'm the cutest, the prettiest, and the smartest; the most popular among all the students here at St. Florence Girl's Academy would make me want to befriend them. They're wrong.

My family is not rich, so I have to put on a very thin mask and fool everyone around me. My father was a bit busy in a familial kind of sense and now I have dozens of brothers and sisters and a whole load of step mothers. Only, a select few knew about this whole mess. He left my mother when I was in grade school and she was devastated.

Jenna put her palm into my forehead, looking a bit concerned. "Well, you don't have a fever."

I slapped her hand away from me. "I didn't say I was sick!?"

Jenna and the whole class were startled from my outburst. Luckily, it was lunch time and the professors were out. "Uhhh I mean.... I'm sorry Jenna."

"It's ok. Well, everyone has to air out their stresses sometimes." She smiled. For a moment there, I thought my mask would fall off and they would notice my true self.

Poor Jenna, if she only knew how much I hated her. That perfect smile which tells anyone who has seen that everything is peachy. Her face that could make any girl jealous, if only her long flowing hair wasn't covering them all the time. A body so sensual, it could make all the boys run wild when they saw her. She's perfect in every way. Kind and beautiful except for her lotion drunk skin.

Not that I care. But it seems she was trying so desperately to cover up her whole body with such stinky lotions, I couldn't keep my mask on.

"Thanks. I'm sorry" was all I could ever say to her. Truthfully, I was out of words after I snapped at her. I'm out of practice. I've been doing this since I was in grade school to hide my shame and without fail I kept my character and composure. Yet now of all days, when the moment of leaving this false pretense of a school is near, the real me showed herself. I stood up and told her I would meet with her later. After that I made my way to the bathroom.

"Just 1 more week.." I said as I sit on the bathroom urinal. I looked around the bathroom just to check no one was there but me. After checking each stall, I closed the toilet lid and sat down. Grabbed my bag and checked every nook and cranny. It was pretty organized if I do say so myself. But among the school papers, lipstick, blush-on, first-aid kit, and other stuff to make it seem this was a bag of a normal girl there was a hidden compartment where I keep my diary and a bunch of razor blades.

Pain was one of my instruments to get by. I never really trusted anyone, not even my mother for such petty instances such as these. I unbuttoned my blouse and revealed my abdomen was tattered in cuts. Opened up the bottle of Isopropyl alcohol and dabbed a generous amount to the blade. The first time was always scary, as all things done the first time. But after the second and third, and so on, the pain turns into pleasure and feels like heaven.

I gained relief in cutting some of my flesh. It was like the emotional pain was washed away by my blood, oozing from the freshly cut wound. It was a drug. And like any other drug the effect was temporary.

I would very much like to do it again and again but I thought somebody might notice. And all the effort I did to hide my reality would completely vanish. The thought pained me, which in turn made me want to do it for the second time. But the fact remained, I must return to their reality.

I fixed myself up and tried to conceal the wounds. The first-aid kit I always have with me had done its part. Although, I could never ever wear a bathing suit or go out swimming in public. To diffuse rumors that would arise, I simply told them that I was raised in a conservative background. Ignorant pricks, they all believed it.

"I hope no one noticed." I thought.

While I combed my hair in front of the mirror, I thought I saw something in the corner of my eye. I looked back and saw I forgot to fix up my bag inside the stall. I went in to get it and prepare to leave when I heard someone outside the bathroom door.

So I closed the stall door and stood up the toilet bowl. Damn it. If somebody sees me in this state, who knows what they would think of me?

"Yeah. I know right. I guess little miss perfect isn't perfect after all."

I heard them laugh. "Who were they talking about?" I thought.

"I guess the cute ones are more susceptible to insanity, when you think about it" said the other one. Their laughter pierced me as if they were talking about me. I tried to take a peek but I couldn't risk it.

I'm not even sure who are they talking about. I have to think rationally.

After a few minutes, I heard them leave the bathroom. I went out and checked to be sure. So I fixed my bag and concealed the things needed to be concealed. The thought stayed in me as I was buttoning my blouse. Asking myself who were they and who were they talking about. Was it me? Is my secret out? After all I did to hide my reality. It was in danger of being exposed.

I must know... But if I really am the one they are talking about what should I do?

Then, for the first time, I heard it.

"Heh. You sure you want to know?"