love can't be lost

chapter thirteen

Annie POV

(a/n: new pov oooooh)

hey. i'm annie. i have an instagram and a musical.ly and all that, but most people know me as the girl whose brother died. you probably feel bad for me now, but the point of my telling this story isn't to make you feel bad. i don't need pity or anything.
life was so much better when i was 12.
i didn't have to worry about anything, i had friends, my career was taking off, blah blah. of course my brother was still dead, but at least i had friends who were there for me all the way through it.
when i covered that song with hayden summerall, my singing career really took off and i had to move away with my family so i could be closer to my manager and the recording studio.
i left all my friends behind, and you'd think behind famous would help you get some new friends in your brand new school.
you thought wrong.
i was terrified for that first day, i had to stay strong for my little sister, hayley. but the first day didn't go as bad as i expected.
it went worse.
i don't know if no one knew me from my song, or if they did know me and pretended not to. i got bullied. people found out my brother died and then i got bullied more. i had no friends, no one to help me in this mess that i was in. that made me easier to bully.
i was a white surrender flag in a field of soldiers who didn't want to surrender.
the worst part was, i had no one to talk to about it.
of course i didn't have any friends from school to talk to or any friends in general. my parents ignored hayley and i because they were so focused on caleb's death. hayley was fine with it, she was a little kid who had lots of freedom at home and lots of friends at school. she was too young to hear about my problem, and my parents didn't care about anything i did, because they were so focused on what to do about caleb.
caleb. i missed him so much. i still do.
he was the one person i could talk to about anything, he always knew just what to say and how to make me feel better. he was the only person who would understand, and he was dead.
the closest thing i had to a brother now was johnny.
john was my childhood best friend, we were always there for each other. we were close before i moved, and we promised each other on the day i moved that we'd still stay close, no matter what. and i still remember that day.

i stood facing my house, the house that i had grown up in and spent my whole life in. when we moved out all our stuff, it was emotional. to know that you're leaving the place where you took your very first steps, the place where you made caleb a brother and you were made a sister, that was sad to give up. the house where i had watched my sister grow up. the house where i had grown up. the house that was our only reminder of caleb that we had left. and we were leaving it.
without realizing it, a tear slid down my cheek.
suddenly, john was next to me.
facing my house, he speaks.
"so you're really moving, leblanc?"
i scoff, not taking my eyes off my house.
"yeah. what did you think was happening?"
"i just... can't believe you're actually going."
i close my eyes and try hard not to cry.
"john, why are you here?"
i keep my eyes either closed or looking at my house, knowing that if i look at him i'll cry.
he stares at the house too, speaking after a few seconds.
"you really think you could leave without saying goodbye?"
our eyes never leave my house- well, i guess it's not my house anymore- as we continue to speak.
"i hoped so." i mumbled.
"why?"
"because i knew this goodbye was going to be the hardest."
i clench my fist as tears threatened to fall.
"annie..."
"wait john... just, wait."
i know he wants to look me in the eyes but i can't. i don't want to cry anymore, so i continue to look at the house.
"okay, i promised myself i wouldn't cry today, and i've already broken that promise 6 times. i think i'm about to break it again. look, i'm gonna miss you. a... a lot. you were, like, my best friend, and i know i'll never find anyone like you in my new town. i hope you find that one girlfriend that you know you're always going to be with, but with your whorey self, it might not happen."
he laughs a little and i sniffle, tears in my eyes.
"and i knew this goodbye was going to hurt, and it does, and it will, and i'm sorry i won't be there for you in the future. but i just wanted to say thank you for being there for me all this time. life won't be the same without you, and it looks like i've now broken my promise for the seventh time." i say, wiping my new constant flow of tears away.
"hey hey hey, it isn't goodbye annie. it's never goodbye."
"then what is it right now?" i retort sarcastically, still wiping tears.
"sure, we might not see each other for and while, but i'll always be there for you. and you'll always be there for me. you made me a better friend, and i'm so grateful for that. i hope you find the guy of your dreams in your new town, and if he hurts you i'll come and beat him up. i'll miss you too."
i turn to him, and look at him for the last time. he doesn't notice and is still looking at the house.
"john?"
"what?" he says, turning to look at me.
i hug him, i hug him for that last time and i try to remember every single moment of it. i hug him tightly, wishing i didn't have to go and we didn't have to have this stupid goodbye hug and this stupid goodbye talk.
"so, keep in touch, right?" johnny asks when we pull away.
"promise." i held out my pinky and he held out his. we wrapped our pinkys around each other's and shook, our form of a pinky promise that we made up when we were really little.
we both turn back to the house and look at it in silence.
"annie?" my mom calls from our car, signaling that it's time to go.
"that's my cue."
i sigh, and johnny turns to look at me.
i can't believe this is happening.
i approach the car as if it were on fire.
opening my door, i get halfway inside. i look up to see johnny still looking.
i give him a small smile.
"see you around, john."