love can't be lost

chapter twenty two

*time skip to the day before the show, aka dress rehearsal*

Mackenzie POV

i can't believe the show is premiering tomorrow.
we've been working on this show for three months, everyone has dedicating so much time and hard work into putting on this play.
i know it was hard for lauren. of course she loved it at first, she was the director and she got to boss people around. plus, she got to spend time with her boyfriend every day, and i know that was great for her. she was doing what she loved.
but when they broke up, it was so much harder for her. she had to get up every morning when she just wanted to sleep and cry, and she had to come and see her ex-boyfriend when she still loves him. it's amazing to think about, how she put all of us before her and still showed her support and hard work every day.
the theater looks great. after we cleaned it and put up posters advertising the show, it looked 100% better.
but the very best thing about tomorrow, was that it's me and johnny's 5 month anniversary. i can't believe it's been 5 months since i woke up with a massive hangover and johnny was by my side. it seems like he was always there for me, whether i knew it or i didn't.
it was a really special day, 5 months with a guy that, i realize now, i love. we haven't said those 3 magical words to each other yet, i think that we're both waiting for the perfect time. and tomorrow, before the show, i'm going to surprise him with a cake and the words that every little girl dreams of hearing from the guy she loves.
that's better than a present, i think.
and i'm broke. so it better be.
anyway, johnny and sophia were running a scene onstage, so i seized the opportunity to talk to hayden.
he was sitting on a chair a couple rows behind lauren, just staring at her wistfully. i knew that he wasn't over her, and she wasn't over him. but she still wasn't ready to talk to him. and no matter how much i wanted them to get back together, i had to respect her decision, because i knew that it was hard for her.
"hey, hay."
"hey kenz."
"you okay?"
"yeah. i'm good."
"no. are you really okay."
"no. i'm terrible."
"do you wanna talk about it?"
he looks at me for a second, considering whether or not to actually talk about it, but eventually he caves.
"yeah. she won't talk to me, she won't even look at me. it hurts. like, a lot. and i know she's hurt too. and that makes everything hurt a lot more. it just... it sucks, you know?"
i look at him in confusion, my eyes asking what he means.
"when you love someone, but you can't be with them."
he never looked at me at all while saying that, the whole time he was just staring at lauren. and that's when it hit me. he really did love her. and he wasn't just saying that.
"i don't know exactly what it's like, but i can tell that that, like, literally sucks dick," i say and sit down next to him.  "i'm here for you, hay. whenever you need to talk. and lauren will talk to you. she'll give you another chance. you just... you just have to give her time."
we both look at the stage in silence for a while, me looking at johnny act and him looking at lauren direct.
"on a happier note, tomorrow is me and johnny's 5 month anniversary," i state.
he just looks at me. "dude. do you actually want to make me more sad?"
"no! i'm just trying to take your mind off lauren. and how better to do that than to do me a favor!!" i say excitedly and hopefully. he just looks at me some more. "please."
he rolls his eyes. "fine. when am i ever gonna learn how to say no to your fucking moochers?"
i laugh and ruffle his hair. "you won't. and that's the best part."
i kiss his cheek, maybe for a bit longer than i should of, but i was happy. i told hayden that i needed him to get a cake that said 5 MONTHS in big, bold letters and he reluctantly agreed. i kissed his cheek again.
"thanks, hay."
then i bounded off in happiness to go talk to maisy about riverdale and cool new hair styles. (a/n: don't judge me it's late and that's what most teenage girls like okay)
after johnny and sophia's scene ending, i expected him to come down and talk to me, but he just went offstage instead. oh well. i guess he had something to do back there.
i caught up with some of my friends that i haven't gotten to talk to in a while, because everyone had been working and rehearsing. when i was talking to chloe and kalani, we talked about how much we wished kendall could have been here to be a part of everything. we know that she would have loved it, but she was just too busy with her life.
out of nowhere, johnny pops up from behind me.
"hey cutie."
"john! where've you been?"
"i had to work on something with the costume crew. i think carson is like, actually turning into a girl," johnny rolls his eyes and i laugh.
"hey, whatever works. at least he's enjoying it" i chuckle.
"he's doing a bit more than enjoying it, but yeah."
i laugh again, and then lauren calls annie and i up to run a scene.
"i gotta go, babe," i say and kiss his cheek quickly.
"okay. see you soon."
i run onstage and annie walks next to me.
"ready to kick some ass?" she asks.
"hell yes," i mumble.
it's the scene after i see johnny/sam and sophia/lucy kissing and i'm acting like i'm literally hysterical.
(a/n: bonus scene bc i love u guys)
"and... action!" lauren yells.
annie is sitting on the couch, and i run onstage crying.
"what's wrong?" she asks and jumps up.
"i... i saw... s-sam kissing l-l-lucy!" i stutter.
"that bitch." annie mumbles.
i respond to that with more crying.
"alli, he doesn't deserve you. you're way too hot for him. besides, you have the biggest heart ever, but there shouldn't be room for him in there."
"but there is!"
and then i start my monologue (a/n: which i'm too lazy to type again but it was in an earlier chapter lmao sorry) and i tried to put as much emotion as i could into it.
"hey, i'm here, okay? and you are nooooot dying on my watch," annie pats my back and gives me a sympathetic look. wow, she is really good at faking looks.
"thanks, brooke. dying really doesn't sound that appealing anyway," i say and let out a small laugh.
"see! leave it to me to make you laugh when you're that sad. i'm the best," annie brags and i give her a small smile.
"i guess i just... wish i had never seen that," i mumble.
"why? you're better off knowing. he was taking advantage of you."
"because if i didn't know i wouldn't be this sad."
"but now that you do know, you are so much better off. you can kick his ass for being a cheater," annie says.
"i don't want to kick his ass. i still love him. and i want to be with him, but i can't trust him anymore."
"i know, alli, and i really thought that you two would stay together. it was a match made in heaven."
i nodded.
"but let me tell you something," annie starts. "i know... i know it's hurts like hell. and there's going to be times, like now, where you think that you'll never get over it. but, time passes. you'll move on. and then the day will come when you won't think about him as much. then a couple more days will come along, and you'll think about him even less. then one day, you won't think about him at all. and then that's probably going to make you sad."
annie and i laugh a little.
"but life goes on. you move on. and day by day it starts hurting less and less," annie says and she stands up and pats my back, and then she walks offstage.
i stay standing there for a while, then i sit down on the couch, center stage.
i sigh to myself and look down. then the lights fade on me and lauren yells "cut!"
i stood up and walked offstage and lauren called me over.
"kenz, that was great!" lauren says as she writes stuff down.
"really? thanks, laur!" i say happily.
"yeah, you had lots of emotion, i loved it. hey, i'm thinking about having your understudy do the opening show. do you want a donut?" lauren says really fast.
"lots of emotion? that's great! and yeah, i'd love a– wait, what?" i say, the realization of what she said hitting me like a truck.
she finally looks up. "yeah... kalani and i were talking the other day and she seems like she would be really good in the part. so i tried her in some scenes. she's really good. and she hasn't gotten a chance to do much in the play, and i know she would really appreciate it. but you still get the other two nights!" lauren says and pats my shoulder like everything's okay.
"what? lauren... no! i've been preparing for tomorrow for weeks! memorizing lines, remember cues... and you expect me to just hand it over? no!" i couldn't believe lauren. did she really just ask me if kalani could take my part?
lauren frowns. "oh... i thought you would be more understanding..."
"'more understanding'? what?! why would i be understanding that you're giving my part away?" i almost yell, furious that lauren started all this without even asking me first.
"because kalani deserves it! i mean, you were friends with her way before i was! why aren't you happy for her?"
"sure, kalani might deserve it, but that mean that i don't? of course we're friends, but that was my part! and opening night is the most important!" i say, yelling now.
"the kenzie i know would be totally okay with this! what is up with you!" lauren yells back.
"this is the kenzie that you know! and what made you think that i would be okay with this?"
"you know what, kenzie–"
"what, lauren?"
johnny comes up and grabs me from behind.
"hey, kenz, let's go to... anywhere else but here."
then hayden comes up and grabs lauren from behind.
"laur, can we talk?"
"no! i'm not done kicking her ass!" i yell to johnny and try to lunge at lauren but he holds me back.
"oh yeah! well i'm going to kick yours first!" lauren yells back and does the same thing i tried to do but hayden holds her back.
"oh, like hell you are!" i yell.
somehow, johnny and hayden pulled us away from each other.
john drags me to one side of the theater and hayden drags lauren to the other. i see her turn away from him and walk off, without even talking to him.
"ugh! what's wrong with her?" i groan, frustrated.
"what do you mean?" john asks.
"she said she was going to let kalani have my part in the opening show!" i say, still furious.
"what kalani? ew," john says, making a face. "i mean, she's pretty and all, but she's not you."
"aww johnny," i say and peck his lips. "but i'm still mad! i've been preparing for weeks, and she's just going to give it to someone else?"
johnny furrowed his eyebrows. "i'll talk to her. she probably won't go through with that."
"thank you john." i kiss him again. "but also, it's so unfair how she won't give hayden a chance to explain. i mean, he obviously wants to so she needs to like, stop pushing him away!" i say, getting angry again.
"trust me kenz, i know my sister. she'll come around. she just needs some time," johnny say, wrapping his arms around me and kissing my forehead.
i sigh, giving in and hugging him back. "how do you do that?"
"do what?"
"you always make me feel better when i need it the most."
"it's just one of the many talents of being the best boyfriend in the world," he mutters.
i laugh quietly. "teach me your ways, jedi master." (a/n: okay but i actually love star wars)
"it's easy to make the person you care about most in the world feel better because you'd do anything for them," he says.
"i'd do anything for you too, johnny," i say, muffled into his shirt.
and then i almost said those three words to him, i was so close to saying the three words that matter most, and my mouth even opened to say the words, but i didn't.
and with everything that came after, i really wish that i had.
   
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a/n: 4.5k reads yayaayayayayay
thanks sm for that u guys keep reading and and voting it makes me smileeeee
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okay so much jenzie recently i'm in HEAVENNNNNNN
and literally the only thing that brandon does is comment that she's pretty like honey you ain't wrong
but for real back off johnny is for kenzie oKAY
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