99 skinny (rewritten) // adopted by 5sos

fourteen // 111.4 lbs

"lately life's made me numb."

D A I S Y

(this whole chapter is literally just a trigger warning i apologize in advance)

"You just got that shirt, why is it baggy?" Ashton asked the next day when I came downstairs.

The boys, who were all making sandwiches because it was lunchtime, all turned to watch.

"Um... It isn't?" I looked down in confusion because all I could see was a fat stomach protruding from under the fabric.

"Daisy it is. I don't think you're eating enough –"

"I am," I argued. "I just have a small appetite, but I'm eating."

"I don't care. You're eating now."

"Ash –"

Ashton gave Michael a look that quickly shut him down. He instructed me to sit, and I sadly walked over to the chairs and sat down.

I watched as Ashton made a sandwich then poured a handful of chips onto the plate with them. After that he placed it in front of me with a water bottle.

"Thanks..."

I looked around, watching the other boys literally inhale theirs. Except for Calum, who ate the slowest and practically stared at me the whole time. It made me feel uncomfortable and judged under his stare, but I forced myself to eat.

If only we had a dog or something I could feed my food to. I figured I'd stall and eat the sand which first, since it was a bit more healthier than the chips. I just needed the boys to turn around enough for me to throw the plate away.

I really didn't want to, but I forced myself to eat the sandwich and I finished the entire thing.

"Ashton, I'm full," I whined.

"You actually ate the whole thing," Ashton said in surprise.

I stared down at my plate in shame. Why did I have to be like this? Why couldn't I just be normal?

"Yeah..." my eyes filled with tears.

"You didn't eat the chips –"

"It's okay," Michael spoke up. "We'll eat it."

He reached across the table and grabbed my plate, before plopping a chip into his mouth. Ashton stared at him disappointedly, but sighed and didn't say anything.

"Can I go upstairs?" I asked.

***trigger warning***

Ashton silently nodded, and I took that as my chance to dash up the stairs. Once in my room I shut the door behind me and collapsed onto my bed in a heap of tears. It became hard to breathe, as I sat there with a million regrets.

I could feel myself becoming fatter. My stomach wasn't growing anymore, I didn't have hunger pangs, and I didn't feel light – meaning I'm a failure. A failure. A fat fück of a failure.

I blindly navigated my way to the bathroom as the overwhelming urge to throw up everything I had eaten came over me. Locking the door behind me, I sunk to the floor in front of the toilet.

Still sobbing, I shoved two fingers down my throat until the food came up and out. I repeated the process until I practically choked over my fingers, until my stomach lit up in pain, until my throat felt raw. I leaned forward and flushed, before sinking back onto the floor to cry.

I want to die. I'm a failure, an embarrassment. An embarrassment because I couldn't even eat a cookie without having a panic attack. A failure because I couldn't even become thin and skinny.

"Daisy?" a gentle voice came from the other side of the door.

I didn't answer, praying they'd just leave.

"I-I know you're crying," Calum said. "Open the door, please. It's just me."

I scooted over to the door and unlocked it, before collapsing back against the door and crying even harder. Calum came in and closed the door behind him, sitting down on the floor next to me.

I knew that he knew and he knew that I knew. It was a strange feeling, really. The feeling wasn't awkward or uncomfortable, but almost like there was a mutual understanding between us.

"Don't tell Ashton," I said in between cries. "Please."

"I won't," Calum scooted closer and rubbed my back.

"I-I'm getting better," I tried to tell him – myself.

"Are you really?"

"No." I'm a mess.

"Do you want a hug?" he gently asked, and when I nodded he leaned over me and welcomed me into his arms.

"I'm okay now," I lied, minutes later when I had finally stopped crying.

"Are you sure?" Calum asked, still hugging me with his chin on top of my head.

I nodded, and the two of us pulled apart.

"I'm here for you, okay?" Calum leaned forward and wiped my face. "I'll keep this between us for now."

I nodded, and stood up with him. Calum gave me a reassuring smile before he left. I brushed my teeth and left my bathroom.

Even though Calum's room is in the other hallway, on my way back to my room I heard him cry.

***

Two am struck and I was still awake. I was staring up at the ceiling, my fingers running over my thigh where a new bandaid had been added. My emotions had become too much for me and I took them out of myself.

Ashton had forced me to eat dinner. All of it. Chicken, corn, mashed potatoes, string beans. Even if they were all moderately healthy foods, they still increased the number on the scale.

The worst part is that I didn't purge it up, since Calum had been watching and threatened to tell Ashton if I did. I rolled over and picked up my phone and turned it on, tapping on the texting app.

My texts opened on the messages sent between Max and I from earlier, and I felt a small smile form on my lips.

***

double update whoop !!

it's nearly 3am and im listening to gnash (and regretting it) so the sad chapter just came to me

not tryna spoil but this book is only going to get more fücked up so hope ur prepared bc i'm not :)

stay positive. ily <3