Copnapped

23

Jay was raking through his desk looking for some files he needed to fill out, he absolutely hated paperwork but since he was still getting back on his feet he knew that he couldn't pass it off to a uniform. He was frustrated but what could he do? He groaned externally as he shuffled through pages in his desk. He didn't even notice that someone had walked in.

Antonio was the first to notice that Erin had wandered in. "Hey stranger." He greeted her, patting her on the arm. She smiled and asked him if Voight was in his office. He nodded, and she politely slipped past him, Jay looked up but Erin had already walked past him. He shot Antonio a look but the other man merely shrugged.

Erin tapped her knuckles against Voight's door, "Can I come in?" She asked, and Voight nodded. She closed the door behind herself. Voight closed the book he had been reading as Erin pulled up a chair.

"What's on your mind?" He asked, noticing the concern on Erin's face.

She shook her head, "Nothing, just wanted to check in."

"Usually you call first." He pointed out, not buying it at all. Erin was usually a better liar. "How's your therapy going?" He asked after gaining no response for his first reply. Erin shifted in her seat her discomfort was obvious but she was trying to hide it.

"I stopped going." She told him with a careless shrug.

Voight stared at her, "I don't want to be the one to tell you what to do..."

"Then don't be." She snapped, edging forward off her seat.

"I think not going is a bad idea, it was working wasn't it? You're talking again almost back to the way you were before."

"You want me to go back to normal like as if nothing happened? I can't do that. I can talk, I can eat, I can have sex but I can't just pretend that some lowlife gang didn't try to drown me and beat me until I bled. I can't just act like that never happened, that's what everybody wants. You know I came down here to see how you were doing, I didn't come for a lecture."

"Sex huh?" Voight asked with a stiff jaw. Erin smirked, she had only said that to rattle his chain.

"I'm legal."

Voight shook his head, "You don't have to forget what happened, but don't let those scumbags dictate the rest of your life. You'll regret it."

She nodded, deep down the words Voight had been saying were getting through to her but the wall she had been building on the outside were blocking him out, she didn't want him to be right she just wanted it to all be simple. She wanted to have her job, to go to bars and have fun with her friends. She wanted to be intimate with her new boyfriend but something was stopping her, the fear that pressed down against her chest every time she tried to do things she used to do, she didn't want to be out in the field in case someone hurt her again, she didn't feel comfortable socialising without alcohol to numb her feelings, she couldn't bring herself to let Jay in, she wasn't ready to open herself up to him like that. He was there he knew what it was like but when she looked at him all she could see was someone who was coping when she wasn't. How could he go back to his life after all that had happened? She was happy for him but sometimes it was a little hard to process.

Jay was waiting for her when she came out of Voight's office. "You alright?" He asked, she nodded slightly and walked over to his desk. "How bout we go out tonight, just the two of us?" She suggested, leaning over his desk and cupping his face in her hand. Jay ignored Antonio who was trying not to laugh.

"Sounds good." He smiled pushing himself up to kiss her, Erin was too quick she moved out of his reach before he got the chance. "I'll see you after work." She told him leaving the room in an instant.

Jay looked over at where Antonio was watching. "I called that you know."

"Called what?" Jay asked with a bite to his tone. Antonio however didn't notice.

"You and Lindsay, when you started here I knew something would happen. Willhite and I even made a bet on it."

"Oh yeah? Who won?"

"She did."

"What was the bet?"

"I thought Voight would kick your ass before it happened, she said he'd soften up before you'd get the balls to go after her."

Jay rolled his eyes, "You two suck."

Antonio's eyes glazed off, he often had that look in his eye whenever he was reminded of his fallen partner. Jay was about to apologise when Antonio picked himself back up. "I don't know how you did it, but the Voight I know would have kicked your ass by now."

"Who says he hasn't?"

Antonio smirked, "If he had Lindsay would have yelled louder."

Jay shook his head as he laughed, that was strangely enough true. Even if they weren't dating, she always seemed to give Voight hell whenever she thought he was playing unfair towards him.

Lindsay wandered inside Jay's apartment. She walked into his bedroom, a familiar smell hit her nose. It didn't smell bad, it just smelled exactly like Jay, his aftershave, his scent. She lay face first down onto the bed, reaching up underneath the pillows. It was then she started to cry, she let out all of her emotion, every ounce of pain she had been feeling for the past few months came spilling out onto that pillow. She couldn't help it, life hurts. She just wanted all the pain to go away; no matter how impossible that goal seemed right now.

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