Living without him

1 more day. . .

I woke up with my cheeks burning. Tears streaming down my face. I screamed into my pillow. Banging my fist into the wall. Sat up impatient looking out into nothing. Complete darkness, the room filling with the sound of the train. Must mean it's around three in the morning. The loud horn screeched threw my ears. My brain thumping into my skull. My sight is blurred from the rush of sitting up to quickly.

My sweaty palms clasped to the sheets. Ripping them off my hot, sticky body. A layer of sweat all over me. My hair sticks to the back of my neck. Grabbed a hair tie from my wrist and tied it up.

The air is to humid. I have a fan but the electrical work is jacked up. The muscles underneath my skin somewhat throb. For hardly no apparent reason at all. They just somehow start shaking. Nervous issues.

Scramble out of my bed and turn on my lamp. It's a pretty dim lamp so it hardly hurts the vampire in me. I go to my closet and dig threw a box. A box filled with memories. Things that my brother gave to me. Some old toys, and a picture of him. My toes feel the shaggy carpete as I do this.

My fingers grip on to the picture. Holding it on my heart, "love you." I whispered. He will always be there. Just have to remind myself he is. I'm not alone. He might even be in my room now? My eyes practically flush themselves. And tear up again. Repeating. Constant.

I don't even know if my parents are missing him just like me? I know they did create him. They hardly even talked to him. Treated him just like me. All shriveled and dead, we were pieces of things left over. I'm almost positive, they got over him quickly. That I know, their so self centered. Never talk to them anymore. I vaguely want to, one day I'd like to see how the house is doing? Definitely not for a few years. Only if one of them calls. Then maybe. Those were my rotten days. I still have them, just I'm lucky enough not to spend it with them.

Leaned my head back, slowly falling backwards to the floor. How some people just need to realize whats in front of them. They need to, just open their eyes! If only my parents just tryed a little harder.

Maybe they did do okay? I'v learned to take care of myself. Be more independant, and don't do what they do. Huh, still have a little shitty piece of them in me. Two shitty pieces actually. The fact that they were my parents is one. Then the other fact I'm sorta addicted. So haven't really accomplished all of it. Working steadly. Wouldn't say I'm trash? Don't dress slutty, don't try to be sexy. Keep everything on me clean. Try to eat healthy, most of the time. Clean my house, don't steal... Hopefully I'm doing alright?

*

I woke up on my floor, My brothers picture next to me. His face so innocent and sweet. His soft smile and him just slightly looking away from the camera. Then little me by his feet. I kinda remember that day? We played in this park for hours. A crappy playground, but it was the best. Played with these complete strangers. I love how when I was a kid I could become friends with just about anyone. No one cared! No one judged, it was just a perfect time to be yourself. A perfect time.

Hid my brothers picture back into my little box and set it back into my closet. Locked away until I need more hope. He's here, somewhere out there? Possibly exploring earth. I smile to myself, can't wait to join him in those adventures. Tears fill my eyes again, happy tears. I sigh at my stupidy, "Jesse stop it! Relax." I sighed softly. My life is like some record being screwed with. Like most records should just be rotating, nothing should be touching it. I geuss we need some fuck ups before we can appreciate the good moments?

Made my way to my radio. Which is in my living room by my tv. I turn my radio on and my heart suddonly stops, Shotgun Messiah! I scream and notice Charlotte standing next to me. I pick her up and hold her paw gently. Holding her like a baby, she looks at me really sarcastic. Chess is really sassy. I start dancing around the room, singing along to Tim's beautiful voice.