The old and the new

Tell me something... anything

{this is also very old and emotional. Continue at your own risk}

It doesn't always hit me

that I won't ever see you again.

And when it does.

It hurts.

And I find myself wondering

what would've happened

if you hadn't went.

Would you still be here?

Would she be able to call your child by his real name?

Would I still cry when I seen a picture of you?

Would I still feel this way?

Would I sit up,

wide awake at 2 am

with tears in my eyes

screaming I miss you.

Screaming at the man in the moon

to give you back to me.

The stars hold you close

but would I still drink away the pain

until I couldn't feel into the long nights

I had ahead of me.

Would I still feel like nothing in November?

Would our mother still cry at the mention of your name?

Would our oldest brother still be in pain?

Tell me why you left.

Tell me that it wasn't my fault.

Or at least tell me

that I'm not crazy

when I swear sometimes

that I hear,

see,

or feel you.

Just tell me something.

Anything.