Never Kiss And Tell.

Never Kiss And Tell - 15

this is rushed, late, and really short. so dearly sorry, but i hope you guys still enjoy!

ARIELLA ON THE SIDE, SHE IS GORGEOUS! 

Chapter 15

                That night didn’t turn out well at all. The only thing that got accomplished was me sufficiently removing all of my makeup into streaks down my cheeks from the tears that had fallen. I wasn’t used to this feeling, the longing that I felt for Nate. Just his touch, his arms embracing me so that I could cry on his shoulder. 

                But unfortunately, letting him go was the entire reason for my inner turmoil. This wasn’t as bad as losing Trevor, but I had promised myself that day that I’d never cry again. I hated the feeling. It made me feel weak, reminded me of all the crying I had done when Trevor had died. 

                Everything in my life seemed to relate back to him in some way. I just wished I could move on from his death, but I couldn’t. How could he have done what he did? 

                Growing up, Trevor was always the peppy one. He got good grades, got pretty girls. He was good at sports, and every teacher he ever had loved him. I didn’t even know anything was wrong. I always looked up to him, striving to be as smart, to please our parents as much. Even though he tried to act like he didn’t, I knew that he wanted to impress them so that they’d pay more attention to us. But they didn’t. 

                And maybe that was what did it. 

                I wasn’t trying to blame my parents, or maybe I was. I just wanted answers. Why did he do it? How could he do it? Why didn’t he talk to me? Did he not know he could come to me with anything? How had I not seen it?

                All of these questions buzzed in my head constantly, never taking a break to allow me to relax unless I was drunk or high. 

                Sometimes, I thought it was my fault. We had been so close, I just have noticed when he started slipping, started becoming depressed. If I had done that, done my job as his sister, then he would probably still be alive. This thought crushed me every time it went through my mind, which was quite often. 

                Even now, after all of this time has passed, I still think it’s true. The only person I had ever talked to about it was Caroline, because she was the only one that I trusted enough to understand what I was saying. And she had at first, but now I was beginning to think she was just like everyone else when it came to Trevor. He was a fading memory, that everyone would feel sorry for, but no one would understand. 

                Would I ever understand?

                It was doubtful, and those unresolved questions seemed to be the reason that I couldn’t move on with my life. 

                Pressing my face deeper into my pillow, I let out a scream of frustration. This was all too confusing and my head was ginning to spin. I needed to get out, to drink, to smoke, to do anything. But who would I call? I didn’t have anything myself, and I didn’t know who would be able to hook me up last minute. So instead, I just continued to cry into my pillow, not moving other than the tremors that wracked through my body from crying. 

Nate’s POV

                You can do it, Nate. Just stop being a pussy. You got this. It’s just Caroline what’s the worst she could do? Not much. 

                This was the pep talk I was giving myself as I finally got the nerve to walk up to my sister’s bedroom door. I just couldn’t work up the courage to knock and enter it. There was a barrier stopping me, but I knew that I needed to do this. I had to do this. 

                Taking a deep breath, I stopped thinking about it and just took action. My hand met the wooden door as I knocked twice, waiting for Caroline to respond. 

                “Come in,” she called, her voice muffled from the door between us. 

                I pushed her door open, just now realizing that my heart felt like it was about to explode as I stepped into her room. 

                Caroline looked up from whatever magazine she had been reading on her bed, saying, “What’s up, Nate?”

                My hand shot to the back of my neck as I tried to avoid eye contact for the longest time. Eventually, though, I let our eyes connect before saying, “I need to tell you something.”

                This was it. This was the moment. It was now or never. 

                Her eyes filled with worry as her face contorted into a questioning look. “About what?”

                I went to her bed, taking my time with my steps. I might not want to do this never, but I wasn’t exactly sure I was ready to do it now. All I knew was that I couldn’t handle the emotions I had felt when Ella said that we were done. 

                My eyes were glued to Caroline’s as I sat on the edge of her bed. “You remember how you used to feel about Trevor? How in love you guys were?”

                Caroline’s body stiffened in response. I knew I shouldn’t bring it up, but I had to. I had to make sure that she understood. “I could never forget.” Her voice was strained and I knew that it was hard for her to say that without beginning to cry. She was a lot stronger than she seemed. 

                I squeezed her hand, wishing that I could take her pain away even though it had been me to bring it up. “Well, I need you to concentrate on how that felt, and how destroyed you were when Ariella didn’t like the idea of the two of you being together.”

                Caroline snorted, “She didn’t just ‘not like it.’ She hated it, and gave me crap about it for months.”

                I knew this was true and I couldn’t deny it, so instead I averted her attention by saying, “Just remember how you felt, not how Ariella reacted.”

                Nodding, Caroline said, “Okay?” 

                Taking a deep breath, I took my time saying, “Well I think I’m in love. And I need your help.”

                Caroline’s eyes grew wide. “You? In love? With who?”

                I blushed, something that I don’t think I have ever done in my entire life. 

                There was no going back, this was really it. I had no regrets, this was what I wanted and needed.  

                “Ariella.”