Never Grow Up

Chapter XVI: Tell All

     Today was the day. Today was the day that I would tell our therapist, Matthew everything from my point of view. First, I just had to gather up the courage to open my mouth and begin speaking.

     I stared at Matthew from the couch as he stared right back at me from his spot on his chair. He had a notebook and pen in hand waiting for me to begin talking. He didn't look annoyed or impatient that I wasn't talking, rather, he looked calm and prepared to listen to whatever I had to say.

     "Anything you have to say Kaylie?" Matthew asked after 10 minutes of silence.

     "Anything you have to ask me? I really don't know where to start." I nervously said as I played with my fingers.

     "Why don't we start with why you think your parents began fighting? What fueled it?"

     I thought about it and swallowed. "The miscarriage."

     "Care to elaborate, Kaylie?"

     I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to explain. "Well, when I was about 7 or 8 and Jaden was 1 or 2, mom was expecting her third child, you know before Esther. When mom was about to give birth, we were all excited. She hadn't found out the gender because she wanted it to be a surprise. I had a feeling I was getting a little sister and I was pumped. However, when I didn't get to meet my new sibling for the whole day I knew something was wrong. All the adults were crying and when I peeked in my mom's room, she was crying hard holding onto her mom. I overheard the adults talking and they said something about my mom giving birth to a stillborn. My baby brother had died in my mom's womb and they didn't even know it. Mom blamed herself because she couldn't realize her own child was dead inside of her. They don't know why it happened, and couldn't explain it to my mom. They could only say it might've have to do something with her placenta or umbilical cord." I said with a few tears falling down my face. I quickly wiped them away.

     "It's okay Kaylie; take your time or stop if you need to." Matthew spoke lightly but I knew I had to get this all out.

     "Mom and dad tried again but when I was 10 and Jaden was 4, mom lost another baby, this time it was a girl. She had just found out and two days later, I remember mom waking up screaming in agony. I ran down the hall to see dad helping mom and she was complaining about cramping and blood. Dad told me to call 9-1-1, which I did. Later the next day I found out mom had a miscarriage. I wasn't at the hospital with them as my grandma Pattie watched over Jaden and me. After those events, my parents were never the same. They argued a lot, and mom constantly blamed herself."

     "Is that how your parents' problems began?" Matthew asked.

     "I would say so. However, the arguing and cheating didn't really start until after Esther was born. I was 12 when mom gave birth to Esther. Esther was 7 weeks early and I've heard from my mom it was a difficult one. Even after Esther was born, it was hard since Esther was more than a month early."

     "When did your dad or mom exactly start cheating?"

     "I don't know exactly when dad started. I would say probably when Esther was about 2 years old. I don't know why he did it either. Dad had also started drinking and doing drugs heavily when Esther was about 2 months but gave up the drugs 4 months later but continued to drink."

     "What about your mom?"

     "Mom couldn't really drink since Esther was being breast fed but after that, mom drunk here and there."

     "Have you ever met any of your dad's mistresses?"

     "One showed up on our doorstep claiming she was pregnant with my father's child but in the end, we found out she was lying." I answered simply. I didn't want to bring up the fact that the girl was young, only a few years older than me.