Just because you fell asleep easily doesn't mean that you stayed that way. You realized this when you were staring and the glowing numbers on your alarm clock, 2:37 am it read. The only good thing about being awake at night by yourself is that no one could interrupt the thoughts that were festering inside your mind. So, maybe it wasn't such a good thing for you. You lay on your back looking up at your ceiling. 'Why were (b/f) and (g/f) your friends I'm were nothing like either of them yet they were so alike each other. They are everything that I aspire to be confident, motivated, and extraordinary. They were lovable and I understand why so many people adore them. I just fade to the background when I'm with them. Maybe they see me as a blank canvas or a lump of clay that they could mold to be "someone else"? My parents I'm nothing like them or my brother. Instead of being the perfect daughter they want I'm the black sheep of my family. Maybe my family would rather have "someone else" as their daughter and sister. You hated it. You couldn't make sense of your thoughts, you couldn't make sense of yourself. Your life felt like a nodus tollens because nothing mattered, nothing seemed important. Before, your life was on track, and now it just seems to be a tangled mess of moments. Everything was going so well, sure some parts were boring, but now you didn't know what choices. You just didn't want to get hurt again, and C.J. wasn't the only problem. What if the people in your life didn't want you. The people you love and care for could just want "someone else." You were a sad, pathetic excuse for a person why wouldn't they want someone else. "Heck! I don't even want to be myself" you thought pressing your head against the pillow even harder. "I imagine all these scenarios where my life is significantly better. I could FIT into all of my beautiful clothes, I'm an athlete, I have sex appeal, and he chose me!" you shouted, moving your torso so now you were sitting on your bed trowing your pillow at the wall on the opposite side of your room. ". . . and he chose me," you whispered to yourself laying back now onto your bed. You reach to get your kindle off of your night stand. You believed some soothing music would help, and with the way this night was going you sure hoped so.
