Sitting in my closet
Trying not to cry
Crying shows weakness
And I'm not weak
I reach over and grab
Five bottles of water
Gulp after gulp
The water is disappearing
I grab a trash can
Put it between my legs
Drink a few more gulps
Feeling sick
Three bottles down
I start to puke
Everything I ate
No need to feel guilty anymore
Two bottles left
I grab them and start chugging
To see
If I can free
Myself of every calorie
The need to be beautiful
Is slowly killing me
From the inside out
Another size smaller
A bit less happy
A bit more concerned glances
Given some breakfast
I ate it
Then the guilt
And the feeling of disgust
Took over me
Running to the bathroom
I shove a toothbrush
Down my throat
I see it all
Leave my system
I'm still not happy
The number on the scale
Drops ever so drastically
Feeling fat
A few more pounds
Then I'll stop
I promise everyone
Once I reach it
I'll stop
As I get there
I'm still not pleased
I need more
No matter the number
I'm still not satisfied
Just a few more inches
Off of my fat hips
And my thick thighs
And I'll see my ribs
Just a little bit more
Holding back the tears
Along with all my weakness
I smile and leave
Feeling proud of myself
But knowing I can do better
Makes me want to cry
But with crying comes weakness
And I won't let that happen
So I lock myself in my closet
With a blade
Held close to my wrist
Drawing blood
I feel cold
No longer caring
About this world
Or the things in it
All I care about
Is that number on the scale
As I step on
Shocked at how low
It has gotten
I let the tears free
As I cry myself to sleep
Showing weakness
But only to me
This will all be forgotten
How thin you are
Unless you keep it up
Forever on end
Crying alone
Being weak alone
