"I love you, I love you so fucking much that I hate you. What is wrong with me! I run and run so far away to try and forget about the pain and the sadness but it always fucking follows me! YOU! YOU ALWAYS FUCKING FOLLOW ME. I can't it hurts so bad, so so fucking bad. I look at you and my lungs collapse, you looks at me and I freeze, I always fall for you all over again and my mind makes me forget about how you hurt me. Until you try to love me, and I remember it all again, just like it was yesterday I fucking remember, how I lost it all, how I lost you. I fucking lost the one thing I always wanted to keep so bad, you're gone now, and I can't fucking change it no matter how hard I try. I want to let myself love you so fucking bad, all I want to do is love you Jungkook;
but I just can't, .... I just can't"
my tired weak hands banging hard on his chest. Wailing tears and spewing my bottled up emotions.
He stood infront of me, taking it all in, my words, actions, my feelings. He let his arms wrap around me concealing me in a tight embrace.
I struggled against him, not wanting to be this close to something so dangerous. Letting out desperate screams for him to "let me fucking breathe Jungkook, I can't breathe, I can't live knowing you're here, you're right fucking here yet I can't touch you, I can't have you, because you hurt me so bad."
"Shhh baby I know... I know" his soft voice cooed, accepting to the harsh slaps on his chest, only making him pull me in closer.
He let his own tears stain his cheeks, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, inhaling my unfamiliar sent, enjoying the short moment before he has to leave me yet again.
"I ruined this, I ruined you babygirl and I'm so sorry. I broke your trust and left you, if I could go back and fix it I would baby. But I can't. So let me have this, let me hold you"
Standing in the parking lot next to his car, where he had run into me, leading to the emotional mess we have before us, the sun was setting and I was settling down. My breathes were calmer, my weak tears were drying, I was holding him, loving him, having him again.
He missed me as much as I missed him, he knew; he fucking knew what he did, and he hated himself every single day for it.
He hurt the one person he was trying so hard to protect, he hurt her and left her broken and vulnerable. He did it all, he ruined it all, and he will never forgive himself.
"Jungkook, I miss you"
"I miss you too, princess"
"I'm so sorry I hate you"
"I'm sorry I made you hate me"
He proceeded to ask me if I needed a drive home and I told him it's best if I call
Jimin to come pick me up.
If I called Taehyung he would sense my emotion, and it would make him angry.
Jimin is the safest bet, he has always been a man of comfort instead of aggression.
"Of course I will! give me three minutes, I'll be there soon, bye"
I hung up the phone looking back up at Jungkook before he got into his car.
"Goodnight Jungkook"
I let out a sad sigh, I didn't want to see him go but I had to, I had to watch him leave once and I'm just going to have to get used to it.
"Goodnight Jae, I love you"
Jungkook gave me a weak smile, he knew I couldn't say it back, I wouldn't say it back.
Because as much as I loved him, I hated him even more, and he knew it.
"Do you want to tell me what happened, love?"
Jimins hand caressing my thigh, soothing me down while the other drives me back to my place.
"Not really, sorry Jimin, I need to learn how to take care of myself without needing you or Taehyung to come save me, Aishh! I'm such a burden on you two I'm so sorry"
I felt bad, Jimin and Taehyung always had to parent me, take care of me, it was pathetic.
"Oh no honey no. Jaeun listen to me"
Jimin turned his head to connect his eyes with me, sitting at the red light, he continued.
"You will never ever be a burden on either of us! We love you Jae, so so much, we will always be here to protect you and help you.
We just want to see you happy love, and if it means we have to help you along the way,
of course we are going to do just that!"
His kind words set my heart at ease.
"Thank you Jimin, I don't know what I would do without you"
"Probably be stranded in a parking lot"
Jimin let his bright smile show, not controlling the cute giggle that slipped out of his mouth, leaving me smiling ear to ear myself.
Heyy guys! This is just a emotional update I made:) hope y'all liked it and I didn't attack your hearts to hard💓
