You may think I'm a little too obsessed with myself for saying this but believe me, I'm not. All my life, people are talking about me. Ana is so beautiful. I've got the looks. Mom is a darling and a lot says that I look more like my mom than my dad, I guess that's true. Erin is more of a combination of Mom and Dad. It could be the reason why he doesn't like me but that's crazy, right?
I've gotten used to plenty of flattering comments until this very moment. He has a way with words. Jaime's words are everything and that thought alone scares the shit out of me. It is fucking batshit crazy. There is good crazy and bad crazy, as much as this seems good crazy I can feel it in my bones, it has to be bad. I need to get out of here. Since I can't grow a backbone and confront him, I should just go and never look back.
He keeps the conversation light and friendly as we eat but I snap here and there. No. Yes. Uhuh. Oh. I finish up the food as fast as I can, and just when I think that throughout the time we're here, he seems unbelievably oblivious to my urge to get up and leave, he talks. "I'm sorry for taking up your time. I should have just let you go but I can't. I'm thankful you gave me the chance to talk to you." He accentuates the word "talk", and I can't help myself but feel guilty, we never got to talk for real. "You might think I'm some obsessed guy but I really just want to get to know you." He sounds really sincere but it's his expression that gets me. The way his grey eyes are solely trained on me, like it's the only pair that he should—want to look at. It's the best feeling in the whole world. It's a crime to not feel overwhelmed after someone says such thing to you.
"I'm sorry," Shyly, I whisper, my eyes casted away from his. I feel bad for being rude throughout his effort to make this easy between us. "I don't know but since that day I kissed you, I can't seem to get you out of my mind," He continues, "I like you, Ana. If that's not yet obvious then I'd probably drown myself." I gulp. A big lump is forming on my throat, preventing me from proper breathing. Of course I know he likes me, and I think—nope, I definitely like him too but Jamie is married. Participating in this would be sick.
Waiting for me to say something, anything to acknowledge what he said, he just stares at me with expectancy.
I keep my lips pressed together.
"If you need to go back now then we can go. I'll drive you." He tells me, voice hard He is looking outside the streets, jaw set tight. It pains me to see him in pain. He is clearly hurt. And it doesn't shock me to feel pain as well, seeing him this way. Knowing I'm the reason.
But I need to stand my ground. I will not be a mistress of any sort.
Why can't I just tell him he's a liar?
"Jamie, I'm so sorry. I... I can't... d-do this." I get up from the chair and rush outside.
I didn't spare him a single look, afraid I won't be able to leave if I see the stricken look on his face.
The air feels so good, I can already breathe. I walk to the direction of the set but am I walking? What am I doing right now? I can't think of anything. All I can feel is the actual pain in my heart. How can I feel so attached to him? This seems to be a breakup but no. Nothing barely happened to us.
My family always said I'm so stubborn. I would convince them to play with me almost everyday. Mom had to sidetrack me from my wants because I stick to one I really like. Even though she and Erin never fail to remind me most of the time of how I wore them out in my childhood days because of my trait, they said being stubborn is also good for me. When I like something, I will do everything to get it. I don't see any hindrance on my way.
Why can't I be like that right now? I like Jamie but there's something stopping me from knowing the truth.
I know deep inside me that even though it will break me, it's a way of setting me free from this feeling.
