When I thought that I'll be better than him, I am simply wrong. Just replaying the words in my head makes me want to let the whole world give me a huge slap that will surely wake me from my delusion.
Crap.
I can't even make a great scene with simple scenarios and lines. Stuttering, as well as gawking at the person I'm talking to in the scene is just what I shamefully accomplished this day.
I hate myself. I hate myself for being such a fool. I hate myself for not memorizing the lines well the night before. I hate myself for thinking I'll be better than him.
So, what would you do? She asks, biting her nails.
Gag myself. What do you say?
She rolls her eyes at me, as always. She's standing with her arms crossed clearly not liking what's happening in my mind.
As soon as dad reads the feedbacks on my work, he will absolutely laugh at me. Just thinking of that grin on his face every time he talks about how bad I am on camera is like a knife is being twisted on my heart.
I badly want to prove him wrong. But based on the scene that the handsome, smoking-hot, Troy Elwin, and I did. It seems like I'm failing to do so.
Because of Troy, I am failing.
Honestly, I find everything odd and different when he's the one I'm shooting with. I've had low intimate scenes with men but he is different. The bedroom scene was the only thing I find . . . troubling.
What is wrong with him?
Or maybe what is wrong with me? But I stash that probability away.
It has been bugging me for weeks. At first, I was excited when they had given us the scripts, and enlightened us with how the plot works. But as soon as they started filming our scenes, the feeling I was expecting is not the same that I had.
Candice is a silly lass with her excellent squealing skills about everything—especially when it comes to her bestfriend's complicated love life. She is always the one who could hardly keep her mouth shut, would always crack a joke effectively with her humor always healthy. She's always positive on so many things. I am her.
Good to say, I can play my character well. Maybe the reason is we share the same likes and sense of humor. Except for the idea that she has a happy family, and sleeps with countless boys.
I . . . She has fallen in love with Troy, who plays Jason in the show.
It should be a happy experience, portraying someone in love with the other but it's just not.
I find it unsettling . . .
Unsettling? That's how you're going to define an interrupted sex scene with the gorgeous, Troy Elwin? It is surely not unsettling. Are you out of your mind? She exclaims, disbelief evident from her exasperated tone. She's boiling with irritation.
What is her problem? To other girls, including her—which is funny because we're just the same person—that would sound very inviting but so far, his charm just won't do magic on me.
Candice is to blame. Why would she almost give herself into some hot guy she just met for a few days?
It's love. My conscious dreamily says, staring at the open. I could paint red fluttering hearts around her right now.
That's not love. The fact that she loved him that fast. It's absurd.
We started shooting 7 in the morning and gladly we just spent 10 hours. By 5 PM, we're done. Some of my co-stars went out for a celebration I don't know what for. They want me to come with them but I refused, Sam phoned me and said she will be needing my help for something.
