Akatsuki Boyfriend Scenarios

Totally random~

Pein
"STOP PUTTING AND PUSHING, IT HURRRRTTTSSSS !!!"
Pein groaned in annoyance and stared at you:

"Can you shut up already? You wanted it, you're getting it."
"Do it without 'pain' then, for god's sake."
"Know pain."
He stared into your soul and tried to make a snake bite piercing for the fifth time.
You felt like screaming again."
"OW- STOP IT, STOP IT, YOU'RE DIGGING THE HOLE TOO DEEP !!!"
This time, Pein kept going until it was finally done.
"I'M BLEEDING NOW, QUICK PEIN DO SOMETHING-"
"CAN YOU STOP WITH THE SEXUAL SCREAMING ALREADY?"
"PEIN, GET ME A TOWEL BEFORE I BLEED TO DEATH YOU STUPID MORON-"

Sasori
"Oh [Y/n], I have all the time in the world for you. I want to make out with you until we both can't breathe anymore. I want to touch you-"
"[Y/n] ... ? What are you doing with those dolls- PUPPETS."
"-and have the most beautiful babies-
Oh, hey Sassy. Back from the mission already?"
You were holding two puppets.
One looking like yourself, the other looking like Sasori.
You have begged Sasori for a long time to make you two barbie-sized puppets,
so you could hold his look-alike puppet while he was gone.
Sasori walked into the room and sat next to you.
" .... Maybe explain?"
"Oh, well I was playing 'home' with these dolls you made for me."
"Quit calling them dolls, they are puppets."
"Puppets." You rolled your eyes.
He glimpsed at the two puppets you were holding.
"I can play with you, if you want to."
"REALLY !?"
"Of course not, brat. Don't ever do that again."

Deidara
"Deidara, can I ask you something really important?"
"Hm?"
"Can you pull down your pants for me? I mean I haven't slept with you yet and I'm starting to think that I might be dating a woman."
"Wait, what??"
"Dude- Or ... Gurl, I need to prove Pein wrong oke now pull those pants down."
You attacked his legs and tried to pull down his pants.
He didn't have his cloak on, so it made things easier for you.
Deidara fell onto his bum as you had previously attacked his beloved legs.
He tried to push you away but it didn't work out too well.
"GET OFF ME [Y/N] !!"
"I NEED TO PROVE PEIN WRONG. I NEED TO PROVE HIM THAT YOU'RE A GIRL AFTER ALL !"
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??"
Deidara couldn't help but blow his room up.
You quickly hid yourself in the closet as soon as the smoke started to fade just a tiny bit.
You were also peeking so you could see him.
As soon as his back was facing you,
 you jumped out of the closet and pulled down his pants before he could even react.
"Oh ... Well I lost the bet- I owe a lot of people some money right now .. " You muttered.
Angry Pein stomped into the room to clown on Deidara a bit for destroying the room,
but when he saw him ...
" ... "
"Pein, you were right after all. I haven't been secretly dating a woman."
Pein stood there, emotionless.
It didn't take long for him to walk out of the room, pretending to have never seen such a thing.
"Well Dei-chan, you can continue what you were doing."
He was completely traumatized and didn't even pull his pants up for a few minutes.
After that, some members of the Akatsuki (especially Hidan), couldn't stop teasing him about it.
They kept teasing about his foot size, wanting to know if it was longer than a waterfall or shorter than Levi.

Hidan
"[Y/n] ! Have you seen my scythe anyw- [Y/N] !!"
Hidan walked into the living room and saw you riding on his scythe like a horse.
"Oh, sorry Itachi. The show is over." 
You said as you handed the scythe back to the original owner.
Itachi continued to read his book.
"Why the fuck were you riding on my scythe like a fucking shit horse?!"
"Because you haven't let me ride," you snickered, "na, I'm just joking. I was actually doing a Titanic 2 sequel."
" ... What the fuck ?"
"Yeah, it was called 'Jack's back'."
"I'm not even going to ask ... "
And the weirded out Hidan left.

Kakuzu
"Wow, you made fire less in three minutes. Maybe I have a bit of faith in you after all."
"Oh well, you can say thanks to this buddy right here !"
You showed him his empty suitcase while smiling brightly.
His eyes got quickly filled with rage.
"What are you waiting for? Let's start roasting some weenies!"
"You bitch .... " he rubbed his temples, "please leave immediately."
"Why?"
"You know, so I won't murder the fuck out you."
"ABSOLUTELY NOT ! DON'T EVEN TRY TO TELL ME TO LEAVE, THE ANSWER IS NO.
 FUCK YOU KAKUZU, I OWN THIS PLACE!
I CAN STAY HERE IF I WANT TO, EVEN IF YOU WANT TO KILL ME.
YOU CANNOT TELL ME WHAT I CAN DO AND WHAT CAN I NOT-''
You kept going, on purpose.
He sat down on the grass and hid his face in his palms.
"[Y/n] ... "
"DON'T TALK TO ME YOU FUCKING OLDMAN, I'M GLAD I BURNED YOUR MONEY !!"
Whoops, went a bit far over there.
He couldn't take it anymore and attacked you,
gripping your neck.
"Say one more word-"
"One more word."
You burst out laughing and fell on the ground as he let you go.
"NOW I'M LYING ON THE COOL, HARD GROUND! OHHH ! OHH!"

Tobi
"You may wanna consider having implants ! You may wanna consider having implants ! EVERYBODY-"
"Tobi? What are you doing?" you looked at his computer screen, "Pewdiepie? Are you serious?"
"No, I'm very fun !"
"Oh, you little shit." You chuckled a bit.
"Says who?"
"Excuse me? I am not a little shit."
"Says who?"
"Go fuck yourself."
"Says .... who?"
You pulled his mask off and slapped him.
How dare he call you a little shit then tell you to go fuck yourself??
You can call him these kinds of things BUT REVERSE IS ABSOLUTELY AGAINST THE RULES.
"I WAS JUST KIDDING [Y/N]-CHAN !"

Zetsu
"Shut up."
"You shut up."
"No, you shut up !!"
You three have been arguing for over half an hour over a stupid sandwich.
Who gets to eat it?
White Zetsu said he needs it for gardening reasons.
Black Zetsu said he likes these kinds of sandwiches.
And well ...
You were just hungry and wanted to eat the damn sandwich.
When you tried taking it, you got hit by a spoon.
When he tried taking it, you would bite his hand.
Minutes later Deidara entered the room and took the sandwich.
You didn't even notice.
He didn't even notice.
"What's going on here, un?"
"DEI- ... dara ... "
You were staring at him with sad eyes as he took another bite out of the sandwich.
"Deidara ... "
"How could you ... ?"

Itachi
"ITACHI !!"
"What is it ... ?" He was standing right next to you.
"Look ! How did the duck get up at that tree?"
You tilted your head and pointed at the duck.
" .... "
"Now that is a mystery."
"Sometimes I worry about you."
You continued to question the duck thing.
Itachi got really sick of your shit and interrupted you mid-sentence:
"[Y/n], would you like me to buy you some ice cream?" He smiled politely.
"Itachi ... I-I can't believe this."
"Why- I mean let's go." Itachi coughed and took your hand as he started to find an ice cream stand.
You yanked your hand away from him: "Wait ! I can't believe I haven't noticed it before."
"What ... "
"Ice cream," you lifted your look at him, "as in ... Cream made of ice ... ? Or ... Ice with cream on top?"
Your boyfriend facepalmed.
He was legit surprised that he didn't put you under tsukuyomi yet.

Kisame
"Yo, Kisame, I have a really important question.
Warning, can contain offensive content. You have been warned."
He snickered: "Yes, [Y/n]? What is it?"
"How come you are like a half human, half shark?"
"I don't know."
"Did one of your parents accidentally fuck a shark or ... ? OR on purpose or .. ?"
He continued to shrug.
"What if we will have shark babies? What if I have to give birth to a shark and the doctors will be like 'Yo ma'am, what the fuck is this spooky blue shit?'. 
Maybe they already had an experience with your mom-"
"[Y/n], I don't know." He laughed.
"Oh my God, Kisame ... How did Sasori turn himself to a puppet??"
"What's with these questions?"
You sighed and crawled onto his lap.
He snaked his arms around your waist as you slid your arms around his neck.
"Dunno ... I'm just .. Bored."
"I can make a joke if you want. What do you put inside of the toaster?"
"Toast?" You tilted your head.
"Nope, bread."
"Woah, didn't see that comin'," you chuckled, "my turn ! What beans don't grown on a farm?"
" ... ?"
"Jelly beans."