stars ; j.s.

13

J A C O B

"Your grandfather has passed away."

The words would be engraved into my mind until the end of time. You would think I would be overwhelmed with sadness, much like I was at first, but I now have given up on crying. My eyes had run dry and my body grew numb. All I felt was nothing at all.

It had been two days since the day my life came crashing down in front of me. Since, I have decided that I can no longer stay here. This house was once a safe haven for me before I realized that tragedies can occur within every safety. So, I packed my bags and awaited the arrival of my parents, not bothering to say goodbye to anyone but my grandmother.

From the backseat, I glared out the window while catching the eye of the one girl I would truly miss. I didn't wave and neither did she, despite the fact that both of us subconsciously knew it would be the last time we would see each other. And almost as quick as I saw her, she was gone forever.

I did nothing but lie on my bed when we returned home, thinking every possible thought without feeling a single emotion. I didn't even see him on the day that he died. I had left that night to go to that ridiculous little hideout where I spent his last breaths with Violet instead of him. Easily, I could have been there, maybe I could have even saved him. Even if I couldn't, at least I could have said goodbye.

For once I didn't care about Violet. The beating heart that used to pump in my chest at the mention of her name has dulled drastically. At the same time, I couldn't imagine what she was feeling. We nearly kissed, for lord's sake, then minutes later I was calling her an idiot and telling her off. In reality, I was the idiot for not spending enough time with my grandfather before I had lost the privilege.

"Jacob, you need to come downstairs to eat." My sister said, stopping at my doorway.

I didn't bother to look at her. "I'm not eating."

"Oh come on, you can't just hide in here for the rest of your life."

"I said I'm not eating, now leave me alone." My eyes remained in my spot at the ceiling as she walked away, closing the door behind her with a huff.

There was no point to ever leaving this spot. My grandfather was gone and everything I ever did following that seemed selfish, like I was doing everything he couldn't. If I sat here forever, maybe it would appear as if I would be dead too. Because truthfully, I no longer felt alive.